Sex and the Single Vampire

Sex and the Single Vampire (1970)

** (out of 4)

A group of horny swingers want to "make it" at a haunted place so they go into this old house not knowing that Count Spatula (John Holmes) is there.

SEX AND THE SINGLE VAMPIRE is a rather strange film that's not hardcore yet it's a little rougher than softcore or what you'd typically expect someone like Something Weird Video to release. SWV did release a softer version that ran just twenty-seven minutes but I'm reviewing the full 55-minute version.

Basically, as you'd expect, there's no real story to speak of. For the entire running time we see the various swingers messing around with one another but there's no actual penetration. I said this film was a bit rougher than your typical softcore picture and that's because we get a lot of close up action of male and female frontal nudity. We get really up close shots of the women's private areas and so much more details than what you'd get in a softcore picture. There's also a lot of kissing and touching "around" the parts but never actually on the parts.

The main draw to the picture will be Holmes who I must admit was rather funny as the Count. I really liked him in the earlier scenes where he's freaking out over the lack of blood in the house. The majority of the middle section has him just peeping in on people but he does get a chance to play a second character as well. The rest of the men and women are decent enough in their parts but for the most part this here didn't require acting.

Whew! John Holmes(Mr. Porno himself) stars as a vampire inhabiting an old, house(looks like it might have been condemned) when a group of horny men and women crash in and relieve themselves of their pent up desires. Holmes tries his hand at comedy in this one with some atrocious one-liners. Thankfully for us he did not pursue a career in comedy. This film is an exercise in tedium. It has next to nothing to do with vampirism except for Holmes spouting some vampire-like crap in the beginning of the movie and Holmes becoming a skeleton at the end. Sandwhiched in between is one soft-core sex scene after another. One guy, one girl. Two girls. One guy, two girls. One guy, three girls. Two guys, four girls. One vampire, four girls. None of the proceeding are very interesting and the viewer will find an eager desire to fast-forward through the whole thing. A cheap, unimaginative sexploitation film in every way.