The First Time

Three big-talking teenage boys from New York, randy with bravado but no sexual experience, cross the Canadian border at Niagara Falls in search of prostitutes; instead, they chance upon a lovely young British woman they assume is a prostitute but who isn't. Amiable piffle from former-Disney director James Neilson and screenwriters Jo Heims and Roger Smith (who also co-produced) isn't very bright or witty, but has a certain shuffling charm--it's also not the last time Jacqueline Bisset would find herself between the sheets with a younger man. The boys' collective misunderstanding of the distressed girl's background isn't belabored...and when she realizes they thought she was for hire, she doesn't make a fuss, either. Still, this trio of would-be studs is rather colorless--one of the boys leers a lot while the other two look petrified--though heavy-lidded Wes Stern has a nicely low-keyed personality and Bisset seems genuinely touched by his youthful confusion. Neilson waits until nearly the end to turn the lights down low; in the meantime, we are treated to a tour of the Falls and downtown Ontario, which is fine for those seeking a nostalgic trip back in time rather than a movie with a substantial plot. ** from ****

Summer means a break from high school for Wes Stern (as Kenny Leeds), Ricky Kelman (as Mike Decker), and Wink Roberts (as Tommy Kingsley). The three young men ride bikes, go swimming, and think about having sex. After his widowed father goes off on a pleasure trip with a sexy secretary, Mr. Stern is sent to live with his grandparents, in Buffalo. Meanwhile, Mr. Kelman and Mr. Roberts are sent to summer camp.

Stern is lonely, and writes to his friends about traveling across the border to Canada (at Niagara Falls), where claims to be a regular customer at a whorehouse he calls "Rosie's". Naturally, Kelman and Roberts want a piece of the action, and surprise Stern with a visit. The lads are eager to sample the prostitutes Stern has bragged about - but, of course, the brothel doesn't exist. After seeing the more asexual Canadian sights, the three pick-up beautiful Jacqueline Bisset (as Anna), and take her to their hotel room…

Just ridiculous. Stern, the leading man, is supposed to be playing a young teenager (he will be returning to high school in the fall). He is obviously too old, but has a goofy quality that helps make the movie's "coming-of-age" theme bearable. Stern's plaintive questions to Ms. Bisset about why girls don't like him is nicely played. Bisset has about one and a half sexy scenes (you'll see a lot more of Niagara Falls). So, why would Bisset's English accent be a problem at the Canadian border?

**** The First Time (6/11/69) James Neilson ~ Wes Stern, Jacqueline Bisset, Ricky Kelman, Wink Roberts

I saw this movie late one night and could not believe how god-awful it was. It seemed to be paid for by the Niagra Falls Tourist Board (take a drink every time Tommy mentions the "Maid of the Mist" tour) and played like Wally, the Beav and Eddie Haskell go to a whore house.

Wow, not exactly ahead of our time, are we? In fact, this late 60's "R-rated" coming-of-age, teen sex comedy has more of a Leave It To Beaver feel to it than anything else. Personally, I am partial to the beav. I think it was a great show. And if you agree, then you should have no problem over-looking how lame The First Time really is. As I said, we're talking late 60's here, not late 2,000's. The First Time is from a time when innocent wasn't quite so lame. Unlike now, when the theaters are clogged with Highschool Musicals and whatnot. Now that's lame. Anyway, this sweet-natured flick stars the now legendary Wes Stern, as Kenny, teenage virgin, who's dad has just sent him off to live with the grandparents. With no new school chums to replace his old ones, Kenny decides to write his old chums, Mike and little Tommy, a letter. With nothing interesting to write about, Kenny does the only logical thing, and tells wild tales involving whore-houses, and other keen times at Niagara Falls. Naturally, Mike and little Tommy want in on the action, and pay Kenny a visit, demanding keen times... Problem!! Kenny is finding out the hard way that there is no such thing as a little, white lie. But nevermind that. Kenny is old enough to know that friends don't lie to friends about whore-houses, because they will always call you out on it, even if, deep down, they probably want nothing to do with the situation. So, anyway, it's off to Niagara Falls, Canada, as we watch Kenny lead his unsuspecting pals on a wild Canadian goose chase, while little Tommy whines over and over and over again about the maid of the mist. Gee, I sure do hope Mike belts him. After making up more lies about his favorite brothel being shut down, the eager trio manage to find another one. And then, it happened. The guys run into none other than Jaqueline Bisset. At last... Prostitute!! And now, this is the part where we watch these little gippers try and get acquainted with their unfriendly, yet attractive new friend. They follow her around Niagara Falls to Buffalo, NY. Never so much as hinting as to what they're allegedly after, as if everything will just work itself out. A sad, awkward series of events (including the inevitable ride on the maid of the mist) is what follows. A truly entertaining movie. Except Jaqueline Bisset. I know it ain't a popular opinion, but her portrayal of Anna is mind-numbingly dull. I assume she just couldn't act, and she seemed uncomfortable in front of a camera. How these three tools mistook her for a hooker is what makes a big fat joke out of an already questionable story. Despite how ridiculous and awkward this movie actually is, I enjoyed it way too much not to recommend it, which could only mean one of two things. Either The First Time ain't all that bad, or hell, maybe I'm every bit as lame as Kenny and pals. A scary thought. But jeepers. Niagara Falls sure is swell. 7/10

I first saw this movie when it came out in 1969. I was 16 at the time and totally identified with the boys in the movie (emotions, thoughts, etc.) In fact I so liked the movie at the time that I continued to remember it and most of the scenes over the next 30 years. I could not remember the title but remembered the name of Wes Stern and so I kind of watched for it off and on over the years to see if it would appear on TV.

Anyway I watched it for the first time in 30 years this morning on Showtime. What a treat and what a rush of memories. A very sweet coming of age movie indeed. I guess some things never change.