Astro-Zombies

I recommend this movie to insomniacs, maybe they can watch this movie and enjoy it. It's a mix of spies, science, and horror as several plots interrupt each other. 1) A team of detectives are investigating a series of murders where organs are taken from bodies and try to stop a gang of spies. 2) A mad scientist (played horribly by John Carradine) takes the organs and makes a series of astro zombies that run on batteries (more on this later). 3) A gang of spies, led by Tura Satana, needs the scientist's information to create their own supermen to take over the world.

Now, each plot has its good points. Joan Patrick is the shining star in the detective story as a young nurse used as bait for a zombie (seems the brain of a criminal she operated on is inside of it). After that fails, she goes home and is attacked by one while her cop boyfriend is outside. The cop puts up a fight with the thing and (luckily for him, since he was getting beat pretty bad) the zombie runs out of energy in its "cell battery" on its forehead, so it grabs the nearest flashlight, turns it on, smacks it onto the battery, and runs back to the lab! The scientist plot is saved by the presence of a scantily-dressed young captive who is gawked at and pawed upon by Carradine's assistant Franchot. Carradine just rambles on and on about science and zombies and such to his mute assistant, who couldn't care less! All Franchot wants to do is experiment on the captive! The spy story is Tura Satana's story and I could watch her forever! An extremely sexy woman, just like in FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!, she is pure evil. She holds men hostage and burns cigarette butts into their faces, shoots cops gleefully even after they're dead, and obviously wants to take over the world!

Now that I think about, I guess I can see why people might want to watch this. For the sheer silliness of it all. But there are many boring parts, including a hypnotic nude dance in a club by a woman painted head to toe in psychedelic colors! Proceed with caution!

Astro Zombies is one of the greatest movies of the 20th century! Ted V. Mikels is the godfather of schlock moviedom. Acting? Who needs it? Storyline? So what. Coherency? Nah! What we have in Astro Zombies is rogue scientist John Carradine as Dr. DeMarco, creating an army of astro men - half man half astro robot, tough, sexy spy Tura Santana (dig her cool wardrobe!) and her minions trying to shanghai the zombies for her evil country, and has been actor Wendell Corey and his FBI cronies trying to put a stop to it all. Why would they want to spoil all the fun? The astro zombie masks are really cool looking too. Fabulous nonsense from the man that brought us The Corpse Grinders, The Doll Squad, and the sequel Mark of the Astro Zombies. Hell, the Misfits even entitled a song after this flick and there is a European punk/metal? band of the same name. Tune in this film for fun and mayhem as the Astro Zombies rampage late 60's Los Angeles. Highly recommended!

I will admit the pace of this movie is leaden at times, making it tough sledding. But I do believe this film could be edited down into an AMAZING B-movie horror/cheese fest lasting 55-60 minutes.

Personally,what I love about the film is its everything-but-the-kitchen-sink script. We are treated to the greatest hits of exploitation movie-making, all in one film, including: mad scientist, mute hunchback lab assistant, rampaging monsters, zombies, aliens, slashers that kill big-breasted women, brain transplantation, spaceships, spies, the CIA, naked go-go dancers and evil dragon ladies.

Let's not forget my favorite bit: a doppleganger for a shirtless Ed "Big Daddy" Roth wailing away on the bongos, miming (badly) to a pre-recorded music track (no other musicians are seen!), while a body-painted topless go-go dancer wriggles away.

GENIUS!

About the only elements that Ted Mikels missed were vampires, bikers, and giant insects! Who can resist the lovely Tura Satana with her evil makeup and low-cut evening gowns? Plus some nice color footage of L.A. in the Sixties. And of course the brilliantly stupid credit sequence with the tiny toy robots!

I urge fans of hardcore weirdness/Cheese to check this out. For less casual fans, you might want to wait until you have committed the complete works of Ed Wood to memory. Only then will you be in the proper frame of mind to truly appreciate this cinema (non) landmark.

Word on the street has it that "The Astro-Zombies" is one of the worst films of all time, right down there with "Plan 9...," "Robot Monster" and "The Beast of Yucca Flats," and for once, the word on the street is right. This movie really IS an incredible stinker in every conceivable department, and is a fairly bewildering experience to sit through. I for one could not figure out what was going on throughout much of the film, despite the inanity of the proceedings. Tura Satana, so bodaciously kickass in the late Russ Meyers' "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!," does add some sodden spark to the proceedings, but John Carradine is reduced to mumbling techno gibberish in his zombie lab, and Wendell Corey, in his last film role, probably wished that he was dead (he died right after filming was completed!). It's hard to believe that Wayne Rogers was involved as a producer and co-writer of this mess. Oh, Trapper, what were you thinking?!?! Horrendous acting, crappy editing and amateurish directing, combined with a mishmash of a plot involving skull-faced, radio-controlled, synthetic cadavers (or something like that...I'm really not too clear on this point), Mexican secret agents, the CIA and mutilation murders, all combine for 90 minutes of semipainful head shaking. The film is an absolute must for all connoisseurs of bad cinema, but all others really should be warned away. This movie really is BAAAAAAAAD!

Okay, this movie really sucks and not many people are gonna tell you any different. Even though I had some fun watching Astro Zombies, I know it is a worthless piece of sheet! It's just amazingly so horrible that I actually laughed at it and enjoyed doing so. I think that's what it was intended to do was to make people laugh at its stupidness.

If you are a John Carradine fan, then you must watch this film. Otherwise you more than likely will absolutely hate it and most people won't even make it 30 minutes into the movie. There is no need to get into plot, acting, or effects because there really isn't any to talk about! If you can take this movie for what it is, and that is to not be serious, and if you enjoy watching really campy films, then you may just possibly enjoy this little bundle of joy...but don't count on it!