Le monde pétrifié

The Incredible Petrified World is a place where four undersea explorers find themselves when their diving bell cable snaps and the bell is dragged into an undersea cavern which is lit by phosphorous and the pressure is tolerable. What to do the four which consist of Robert Clarke, Phyllis Coates, Allen Windsor and Sheila Noonan, but make the best of it and look for a way out. Fresh air is coming in from somewhere.

It turns out they're not alone, there's 3/4 crazy hermit down there played by Maurice Bernard who has plans, especially for Coates. Not that he would want her for long because the former Lois Lane from Superman is acting like a real diva.

Getting first billing in this film is John Carradine and the producers and Carradine missed a bet here. Carradine who with his classical stage training enlivened many a ghastly bad horror film with that fabulous speaking voice should have played the hermit. He has a few scenes as the inventor of the diving bell in which the four were exploring in. By not doing that casting, The Incredible Petrified World was left just crashingly boring instead of being camp.

The best sequence is the shot of the raging sea storm and the huge waves that lead us into this movie. But they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie...which is incredibly calm and quite dull.

There is little if any action in this film. Diving bell goes down down down. There's trouble. Crew screams that something is buckling. On the ship above John Carradine, who looks like they got him out of bed for this movie, shouts, "What's buckling?" I don't know about you but if you hear someone screaming that something is buckling in a diving bell I would instantly reverse their submersion. This doesn't happen so they go down another quick 1000 feet and vanish - at least to the ship's crew.

Meanwhile the crew of the diving bell manage to find a series of underwater caves to escape to. They walk, they eat, they walk some more, they run into a monitor lizard, they drink water, they find a man with a very bad beard living in these caves. He tells them there is no way out. They settle in for the long haul. The man with the bad beard becomes menacing. Then a volcano blows up just in the nick of time.

Whew! I don't mind watching a bad film if it has purpose. This one denies me.

"I've made some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."

John Carradine, who had roles in The Ten Commandments and Stagecoach and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask among his 334 films, and won awards for The Scarecrow and House of the Long Shadows, would probably list this film as one that was crap.

He plays a scientist that sends down a diving bell with four people to 1,700 feet when they get stranded. They manage to make it into Arizona's Colossal Cave and they meet up with a hairy bugger who has been stranded there 14 years. Forget the others, this guy is focused on Phyllis Coates, who was the first Lois Lane on TV.

Yes, 14 years all alone and this old timer wants to find a way to get rid of the competition and have Lois to himself. Before he could get started, the volcano erupts and, well, just one eruption.

I just love this exchange between the two women:

Dale Marshall: You just listen to me, Miss Innocent. There's nothing friendly between two females. There never was. There never will be. Lauri Talbott: Sorry you feel that way. I was hoping we could help each other. Dale Marshall: You don't need help - neither do I. Not as long as we have two men around us.

O, the days when women thought that way.

This film had some very valuable information in it. I didn't know that people dived with a thermos of hot coffee, but it is good they do, as it is just the thing to revive someone who has run out of air.

If you were looking for a one word description of the film 'The Incredible Petrified World', that word would have to be Boring. I almost wish I could use words like ridiculous or total nonsense but I can't. If that were the case, it might at least have been amusing. Maybe it would have been good for a few laughs. The main problem with this film is that it's just a boring movie. Plain and simple, there is very little excitement. There are no memorable moments, dramatic, comic or otherwise. The word petrified in the title seems to have no relation to anything in the film. My opinion is that neither does the word Incredible. It's too bad, the plot had potential but little to no effort was made to exploit this potential. Stay away from this one. It's a waste of your time.

"We are now prepared to invade this black wilderness." Well, actually they weren't, since the cable of the diving bell snaps, sending them to a tourist attraction with nice stalactites and stalagmites that I guess is supposed to resemble petrified wood or something. A very long technical explanation about the snapped cable is given later but that comes off like gibberish to me.

The only part worth watching is the genuinely exciting octopus and shark battle at the beginning, but which looks as if it was filmed in a small fish tank which had only a bit of sand poured over the bottom. You might as well turn it off after that part and have a nice nap instead.

The diving bell seems as big as a rocket-ship on the inside, but only about the size of an overinflated beach ball on the outside. This makes for some real laughs, especially when it is hanging and swaying about from the ship's crane and the actors are near it. It doesn't look like even one child could fit inside it, let alone the two men and two women, with a lot of room to spare, and the high ceiling.

Absolutely nothing happens in this movie after they get into the diving bell. They don't even show the implied trip to the volcano area with the lead characters! Instead, we get some sort of senseless and brief argument between the two women and Popeye's grandfather (or so he appears) making bizarre faces, as if he were in a "make the weirdest face and win fantastic prizes" contest. Silly beyond words and certainly belonging in a movie other than this one. At one point, his eyes are popping so far out, they look like they could just fall out of his face.

Later, "Popeye's grandfather" actually moves closer to the cave wall and slowly leans against it so that more rocks can hit him! (You can actually tell that he is trying to get under the path of the larger fake falling rocks! Hilarious!)

The ending made no sense to me, either. I may be wrong, but I got the idea that they weren't really that far under the surface at all. And where was the volcano (which sounded like the amplified recording of a rolling bowling ball and a bit from a storm) relative to the surface? Why wasn't it more of a noticed event from the ship?

The orchestral soundtrack on my DVD copy is really sour, and sounds more like two tomcats having a stand-off.

2/10. A two only because of the octopus and shark battle before the actors come in and ruin everything.