Le monde pétrifié

"I've made some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."

John Carradine, who had roles in The Ten Commandments and Stagecoach and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask among his 334 films, and won awards for The Scarecrow and House of the Long Shadows, would probably list this film as one that was crap.

He plays a scientist that sends down a diving bell with four people to 1,700 feet when they get stranded. They manage to make it into Arizona's Colossal Cave and they meet up with a hairy bugger who has been stranded there 14 years. Forget the others, this guy is focused on Phyllis Coates, who was the first Lois Lane on TV.

Yes, 14 years all alone and this old timer wants to find a way to get rid of the competition and have Lois to himself. Before he could get started, the volcano erupts and, well, just one eruption.

I just love this exchange between the two women:

Dale Marshall: You just listen to me, Miss Innocent. There's nothing friendly between two females. There never was. There never will be. Lauri Talbott: Sorry you feel that way. I was hoping we could help each other. Dale Marshall: You don't need help - neither do I. Not as long as we have two men around us.

O, the days when women thought that way.

This film had some very valuable information in it. I didn't know that people dived with a thermos of hot coffee, but it is good they do, as it is just the thing to revive someone who has run out of air.

The best sequence is the shot of the raging sea storm and the huge waves that lead us into this movie. But they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie...which is incredibly calm and quite dull.

There is little if any action in this film. Diving bell goes down down down. There's trouble. Crew screams that something is buckling. On the ship above John Carradine, who looks like they got him out of bed for this movie, shouts, "What's buckling?" I don't know about you but if you hear someone screaming that something is buckling in a diving bell I would instantly reverse their submersion. This doesn't happen so they go down another quick 1000 feet and vanish - at least to the ship's crew.

Meanwhile the crew of the diving bell manage to find a series of underwater caves to escape to. They walk, they eat, they walk some more, they run into a monitor lizard, they drink water, they find a man with a very bad beard living in these caves. He tells them there is no way out. They settle in for the long haul. The man with the bad beard becomes menacing. Then a volcano blows up just in the nick of time.

Whew! I don't mind watching a bad film if it has purpose. This one denies me.

The Incredible Petrified World (1959)

** (out of 4)

A scientist (John Carradine) creates a diving bell that will allow him to try and get a better understanding of the ocean. On its trial run he lowers it (and several people) into the ocean but it breaks free and falls to the bottom of the ocean. He fears that everyone is dead but in fact they are alive and find a cave that has a strange form of life.

If you read the reviews for this Jerry Warren film you'll see many of them calling this one of the worst movie ever made. I very much disagree with that and in fact, for a Warren film, it's actually pretty good. This here was the second film he directed after his debut MAN BEAST and in all honesty these two are the best that he ever would make. I've seen all of the films that Warren directed so perhaps that's why I feel this one here is pretty good considering where he would go from here.

Obviously he was working on a very low-budget so instead of any real monsters or special effects we're treated to various bits of stock footage. This was obvious during the opening where the narrator is babbling on about stuff that has nothing to do with what we're seeing! From here the film continues to show its low-budget as we're told about the various dangers facing the people but we never actually see it. Instead we basically watch the actors sit around and talk about various bad things that could happen.

Again, there's nothing remotely special about this film but at the same time there's no question that the movie is mildly entertaining if you've just got 66-minutes to kill and want to watch something mindless and rather pointless. For the most part Carradine and Clarke are both fun to watch and the rest of the supporting players at least hit their marks (there's a compliment).

THE INCREDIBLE PETRIFIED WORLD features nothing scary or even good for that matter. It's a low-budget movie that probably played third or fourth at local drive-ins so go in with that in mind and you might have some mild entertainment.

When thinking of a catchy film title, "The Incredible Petrified World" is a strange one, as by the third word, you are starting to think of frozen stillness becoming lifeless. So, in this case, it is an apt title.

The simple problem with this film is nothing happens; and it seems forever to occur.

Our four heroes (sorry, two heroes and two women, judging by the subservient roles given to the female leads, and the bleak plot warning that if you step out of line, men will hate and leave you) go down in a dodgy diving bell, which conveniently fails at depth near an underwater cave that glows in the dark (phosphorus they explain). I could be critical of the science at this point, but this claim pales with the completely unexplained manner they can snorkel in and out of the diving bell without it being flooded.

Anyway, once they reach the Incredible Petrified World (aka small cave with glowing walls), they eventually meet a stranger who claims he got there from a shipwreck 14yrs ago. Now, it would have been good if they explained how he might have been able to swim so deep without being scuba supported, although it would have been better to explain why they chose to make him look like Chico Marx with a Santa beard, and wearing caveman clothes.

And thats the main problem; you don't mind putting up with the first three quarters being tedious if there is a payoff. Alas, in this case, the payoff is just the remaining tedious quarter.

Like The Mole People, Unknown World and The Abyss, The Incredible Petrified World (IPW) defies sci-fi conventions by taking place entirely in inner space. Also like Mole People and Unknown World, inner space seems to have been built for human habitation - not only are the cave networks the perfect size for humans to walk upright in, the absurd Cyclotram of the unknown world even has a nicely graded (though bumpy) road to travel along while drilling through solid bedrock.

The only resemblance between this film and The Abyss is the underwater setting. IPW was made with less than a fraction of The Abyss' budget and the most talented actress in the film (Coates) was not paid. The film proceeds with mostly character-actors, and little to no character development.

Four people - a professional diver, two oceanographers and the stereotype female reporter - man the first deep-sea submersible diving bell (ya, this technology was already somewhat obsolete by the 1950s and the Navy was doing far more interesting things but who cares) on its first exploratory mission. Predictably, something goes wrong. But soon enough the crew finds itself in an underwater maze of caverns complete with fish ponds, potable water, a monitor lizard and a vaguely menacing hermit with extremely bad hair.

Putting all the absurdities aside (which is asking a lot), the plot is at least different and does take a few unanticipated turns. The terrestrial portion of the plot - focusing on Carradine as the philanthropic engineer sponsoring all of this - is actually more or less believable and interesting. But any value this plot adds is easily balanced by the laughable goings-on down below - especially the unnecessary and ridiculous hermit subplot.

All in all, I think this film deserves a better rating than it has here on IMDb, but I was seriously reconsidering my rating after I read about Ms. Coates' difficulties resulting from this film.

Recommended for B-sci-fi fans. AAAC (avoid at all costs) for everybody else.