Girls Town

Movies from "Mystery Science Theater 3000" made at this time are so amazingly dated. They even talk about how obnoxious the slang is. This film features a woman falsely accused of murder going to a Catholic reform school. I guess I'll give the movie credit for having a concept that I have never seen before. Its main flaw is that it's still too boring! All cheesy 1950's movies are looking the same. The pacing is really bad. It isn't until the last ten minutes that something really important happens.

There are just so many pointless scenes. We have nothing going on with the girls just talking and cleaning the house and everything. I don't know if this is how actual reform schools like this work. Well, it gave a somewhat positive image of religion. I don't think that people pray through Saint Jude to God. Well, maybe that was just how they did it back then. Well, I finally got done writing eight reviews on this website in one day! I am never doing this again. *1/2

Yes, I know that Albert Zugsmith's films are low budget trash. But they are all so entertaining! My favorite part of this one is the casting of Mel Torme as a tough gang leader. Could there possibly be worse casting? And then there's Paul Anka. During the film, bad Mel has a fight with angelic Paul. I always wondered what that was about! Was this supposed to be some Zionist statement or did Mel object to Paul's out of tune singing of "Ave Maria"? Maybe Mel wanted to sing it in Yiddish or use it as a vehicle for a scat solo! But, I digress. Like all the Zugsmith films, this one is both intentionally and unintentionally funny. Director Haas' fast paced direction never lets the film get boring, even though the acting is as horrible as usual. It's in the same class with "High School Confidential", "The Big Operator", "College Confidential" and the greatest of them all, "Sex Kttens Go to College". Thank you Mr. Zugsmith! Don't miss this camp classic.

Although the cast may have been assembled from somebody's nightmare, it's still one of the great ensemble casts in film history.

Mamie Van Doren's name heading ANY cast means a good time will be had by all -- well maybe not ALL, but at least by those discerning cineastes who knew after the 1960 Academy Awards were handed out that 1959's "Girls Town" was robbed by "Ben-Hur." After all, what's a silly chariot race compared to Mamie chewing gum and talking back to nuns? And in "Girls Town" you get so much more: Gloria Talbott, Elinor "Princess" Donahue, Gigi Perreau, Paul Anka, Maggie Hayes, Sheilah Graham, The Platters, Cathy Crosby, Ray Anthony, Charles Chaplin Jr., Harold Lloyd Jr., and so help us, Mel Torme . . . Mel Torme!!!??? Oh yeah, you also get this plot, which has something or other to do with 30-year-old high school kids (like Mamie) getting in trouble with the law and getting sent to the title institution. There's also a nifty drag race -- in a cement riverbed! This film showed up 20 years after "Gone With the Wind" and features just as much excitement and talent. It helps if you've had a lobotomy prior to viewing the film.

Mamie Van Doren was more than a face, figure and cotton head. She had a ton of charm, could sing, and was a competent comedic actress. Unfortunately, she rarely got to show anything but her curves.

Sit back, enjoy the visuals of Mamie and laugh at the camp.

P. S. You won't recognize Elinor Donahue.

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How do you get so much talent together and have something so awful? Just look at the cast...Mel Torme, the "Velvet Fog" in leather and corduroy...Paul Anka and two sons of the greatest comedians ever...how could they go so wrong here? The paper thin plot is hoked up with a lot of the not-so-great 50s songs, a bad driving scene that is supposed to hold us breathless, and a lot of views of the L.A. River. Is it any wonder that Arch Hall Jr. thought he had a future in the business after seeing stuff like this cranked out by a MAJOR STUDIO?