Queen of Outer Space

I saw this film on late night TV as a youth and thought it was the coolest movie I had ever seen. Of course at that time, the coolest movie I'd ever seen was usually the most recent one. But there was something eerie and scary and exciting and fun about QOOS...... the hideous queen with her mask, the statuesque women of Venus, the death ray, the giant spider-beasts..and Zsa Zsa.

Of course, now I see the film for the campy delight it is and was intended. It's so-bad-it's-good and I own a copy of it and watch it when I need a laugh. The lines from the wolfish astronaut is so brutally oafish that I can't believe it was delivered with a straight face.

"Vimmen cannot be happy vizout man!"

Thus spake Zsa Zsa Gabor, the most unlikely sci-fi heroine of the fifties. And I guess she'd know. Swanning around the Venutian landscape trailing yards of tulle - she has apparently learned nothing from Isadora Duncan's grisly demise - its up to Zsa Zsa to save the earth from obliteration from what appears to be a ready-to-assemble treehouse.

If logic were the order of the day here it would be patently obvious from this that we're all a-goner. Happily, logic has nothing to do with it; the Venus La Gabor inhabits bears no resemblance to anything in our solar system.

Not for the first time in movie history - I'm thinking "Fire Maidens from Outer Space" here - Venus turns out to be the province of buxom, slightly past their prime showgirls, and there's nary a man in sight. Why? Well, once upon a time the men folk started a nuclear war which caused many of the women, including the planet's ruler, to suffer hideous facial scars. Suitably stung, the men were banished to a nearby satellite; meanwhile the queen wears a stupid mask and the women evidently pass their time doing their hair. In each coif there's never a strand out of place, and somewhere on Venus somebody's doing a roaring trade on fire-engine red lipstick.

Things get sticky when a whole lot of Earth astronauts land on Venus, bringing with them the sets and props for "Forbidden Planet". (Even Anne Francis' gowns get a second outing from the #2 Venus babe. No hand me downs for Zsa Zsa though!) The women are at first hostile, but the natural order is restored when Zsa Zsa takes the helm, and long before the fadeout all is goo eyes and closed mouth kissing. The men are asserting their superiority, the women are all "dames", no doubt scuttling back to the kitchen, and those who showed even the smallest trace of backbone - ie the baddies - are all safely dead.

Its hard to say whether Zsa Zsa thought this was her big break or whether she knew how hilarious the whole thing is. At any rate she dominates the proceedings, which is no mean feat seeing as she has some of the silliest sets, dialogue and special effects to compete with. People who claim that Marilyn Monroe was never given a chance to extend her dramatic range might consider taking up Zsa Zsa's cause as well. I can see her now in a 1956 remake of "Mildred Pierce" in bright, bright Technicolor.

For the time being, enjoy what's on offer. "I hate zat qveen!" snaps our star.

Ah, but how the queens love you Zsa Zsa.

The infamous so-bad-it's-good space opera from director Edward Bernds, the man who gave us several of the `Three Stooges' movies. Zsa Zsa Gabor (a former `Miss Hungary') plays one of the Venusian women who defies the evil Queen of Venus (Lauren Mitchell) and falls in love with one of the four Earth men who lands on their planet. The queen hates all males because her face (which she hides behind a mask) was scarred in a war the women once fought against the now-extinct Venusian men (an idea perhaps borrowed from `Abbott and Costello Go to Mars').

The captive Earth astronauts go nuts over the sexy dames, all of whom look just fine in their futuristic miniskirts. The mission commander is Eric Fleming (`Rawhide' and `The Conquest of Space'), and one of the crewmen is Paul Birch (`Not of this Earth').

The best thing you can say about this movie is that it gives the audience a look at numerous props from more worthy 1950s science fiction movies: the astronauts' uniforms and the Venusian women's outfits are all borrowed from `Forbidden Planet' (along with a few blasters). The spaceship is from `Flight to Mars' (from a design originally submitted but rejected for the `Destination Moon' rocket). The sets and monster spider are from `World Without End' (the latter of which was also directed by Bernds, though it's a much better movie).

Amazingly enough, it was filmed in color and CinemaScope, one of the few 1950s sci-fi films that can claim this honor. In 1987 it was beautifully spoofed in `Amazon Women on the Moon', right down to the borrowed `Forbidden Planet' uniforms (recreated for that film).

Steve Rhodes (newsgroup review) sums it up best when he says, "'Queen of Outer Space' is a parody of science fiction films. Whether it meant to be so at the time is another question." This is prime material for MST3K (very similar to "Fire Maidens from Outer Space"), but they might be avoiding "Queen" because it almost makes fun of itself. It reeks of cardboard sets, silly dialogue, and more phallic symbols, hot babes, and sexual innuendo than you can wave a stick (or laser gun) at. The astronauts ride in Lay-Z-Boy chairs and Zsa Zsa Gabor is a real treat. Never taking itself seriously, it's the "Austin Powers" of the sci-fi genre.

The real question here is whether or not this film is funny because of what it shows us...acting, dialogue, sets...or rather because of how ineptly it shows us these things. For me the film is funny because it is trying to be funny in some parts but also very funny because it is crudely, cheaply, and horrificly made in many instances. Obviously casting Zsa Zsa Gabor in the lead role answers the question that this was intended to be a parody. Come on, she is not an actress but rather a fixture, albeit a charming, vivacious, buxom one. Three astronauts and a professor are on their way to a space station when some laser beams destroy the station before their very eyes and lead them to the planet of Venus millions and millions of miles away. All our scientific knowledge of Venus is wildly inaccurate as the gravity is much like that of Earth's and oxygen is prevalent. The men are taken at night by surprise by a band of armed, mini-skirt clad Venusians that bring them before the mask-faced evil queen. From there a Venusian scientist, played by Miss. Gabor no less, offers help to the men to escape. The rest is about the foiled escape and the eventual unmasking of the evil queen and her desire to obliterate Earth. The film has so much sexual innuendo and bad-trying-to-be-funny smug acting as to be a little annoying. The male leads are not very good. Eric Fleming as the man wanted by both Zsa Zsa and the queen is adequate. Paul Birch, typically a pretty good actor, does a shameless job in this film smiling constantly and his scene where the space station is destroyed and he is suppose to look disconcerted is a real hoot! Maybe this is what they were trying to do. The other two guys are very annoying with one stupid joke after another. One is a lothario-type making degrading comments about the fairer sex repeatedly. Even I tired of them after awhile. The women...well, they are heavenly. All of them are beautiful and Zsa Zsa is near the top of that heavenly spectrum. Beautiful Joi Lansing also has a bit part in the beginning. Journeyman director Edward Bernds directs with some style. I particularly like how he used color in the film. Visually, the film has lots of bright blues and reds that really takes much of your attention away from the bad acting and plot.