Queen of Outer Space

"Vimmen cannot be happy vizout man!"

Thus spake Zsa Zsa Gabor, the most unlikely sci-fi heroine of the fifties. And I guess she'd know. Swanning around the Venutian landscape trailing yards of tulle - she has apparently learned nothing from Isadora Duncan's grisly demise - its up to Zsa Zsa to save the earth from obliteration from what appears to be a ready-to-assemble treehouse.

If logic were the order of the day here it would be patently obvious from this that we're all a-goner. Happily, logic has nothing to do with it; the Venus La Gabor inhabits bears no resemblance to anything in our solar system.

Not for the first time in movie history - I'm thinking "Fire Maidens from Outer Space" here - Venus turns out to be the province of buxom, slightly past their prime showgirls, and there's nary a man in sight. Why? Well, once upon a time the men folk started a nuclear war which caused many of the women, including the planet's ruler, to suffer hideous facial scars. Suitably stung, the men were banished to a nearby satellite; meanwhile the queen wears a stupid mask and the women evidently pass their time doing their hair. In each coif there's never a strand out of place, and somewhere on Venus somebody's doing a roaring trade on fire-engine red lipstick.

Things get sticky when a whole lot of Earth astronauts land on Venus, bringing with them the sets and props for "Forbidden Planet". (Even Anne Francis' gowns get a second outing from the #2 Venus babe. No hand me downs for Zsa Zsa though!) The women are at first hostile, but the natural order is restored when Zsa Zsa takes the helm, and long before the fadeout all is goo eyes and closed mouth kissing. The men are asserting their superiority, the women are all "dames", no doubt scuttling back to the kitchen, and those who showed even the smallest trace of backbone - ie the baddies - are all safely dead.

Its hard to say whether Zsa Zsa thought this was her big break or whether she knew how hilarious the whole thing is. At any rate she dominates the proceedings, which is no mean feat seeing as she has some of the silliest sets, dialogue and special effects to compete with. People who claim that Marilyn Monroe was never given a chance to extend her dramatic range might consider taking up Zsa Zsa's cause as well. I can see her now in a 1956 remake of "Mildred Pierce" in bright, bright Technicolor.

For the time being, enjoy what's on offer. "I hate zat qveen!" snaps our star.

Ah, but how the queens love you Zsa Zsa.

Steve Rhodes (newsgroup review) sums it up best when he says, "'Queen of Outer Space' is a parody of science fiction films. Whether it meant to be so at the time is another question." This is prime material for MST3K (very similar to "Fire Maidens from Outer Space"), but they might be avoiding "Queen" because it almost makes fun of itself. It reeks of cardboard sets, silly dialogue, and more phallic symbols, hot babes, and sexual innuendo than you can wave a stick (or laser gun) at. The astronauts ride in Lay-Z-Boy chairs and Zsa Zsa Gabor is a real treat. Never taking itself seriously, it's the "Austin Powers" of the sci-fi genre.

I saw this film on late night TV as a youth and thought it was the coolest movie I had ever seen. Of course at that time, the coolest movie I'd ever seen was usually the most recent one. But there was something eerie and scary and exciting and fun about QOOS...... the hideous queen with her mask, the statuesque women of Venus, the death ray, the giant spider-beasts..and Zsa Zsa.

Of course, now I see the film for the campy delight it is and was intended. It's so-bad-it's-good and I own a copy of it and watch it when I need a laugh. The lines from the wolfish astronaut is so brutally oafish that I can't believe it was delivered with a straight face.

The real question here is whether or not this film is funny because of what it shows us...acting, dialogue, sets...or rather because of how ineptly it shows us these things. For me the film is funny because it is trying to be funny in some parts but also very funny because it is crudely, cheaply, and horrificly made in many instances. Obviously casting Zsa Zsa Gabor in the lead role answers the question that this was intended to be a parody. Come on, she is not an actress but rather a fixture, albeit a charming, vivacious, buxom one. Three astronauts and a professor are on their way to a space station when some laser beams destroy the station before their very eyes and lead them to the planet of Venus millions and millions of miles away. All our scientific knowledge of Venus is wildly inaccurate as the gravity is much like that of Earth's and oxygen is prevalent. The men are taken at night by surprise by a band of armed, mini-skirt clad Venusians that bring them before the mask-faced evil queen. From there a Venusian scientist, played by Miss. Gabor no less, offers help to the men to escape. The rest is about the foiled escape and the eventual unmasking of the evil queen and her desire to obliterate Earth. The film has so much sexual innuendo and bad-trying-to-be-funny smug acting as to be a little annoying. The male leads are not very good. Eric Fleming as the man wanted by both Zsa Zsa and the queen is adequate. Paul Birch, typically a pretty good actor, does a shameless job in this film smiling constantly and his scene where the space station is destroyed and he is suppose to look disconcerted is a real hoot! Maybe this is what they were trying to do. The other two guys are very annoying with one stupid joke after another. One is a lothario-type making degrading comments about the fairer sex repeatedly. Even I tired of them after awhile. The women...well, they are heavenly. All of them are beautiful and Zsa Zsa is near the top of that heavenly spectrum. Beautiful Joi Lansing also has a bit part in the beginning. Journeyman director Edward Bernds directs with some style. I particularly like how he used color in the film. Visually, the film has lots of bright blues and reds that really takes much of your attention away from the bad acting and plot.

A spaceship with a four-man crew crash-lands on Venus. There they find the planet is inhabited solely by women, who take the men prisoner believing them to be the first wave in an invasion by Earth. The women are ruled by masked Queen Yilana, who hates men and blames them for the disfigurement of her face. Not all of the women on Venus are man-haters, though. A group of resistance fighters, led by Talleah (Zsa Zsa Gabor), plan to rescue the astronauts and overthrow Yilana.

I love this movie. It's so much fun. It has lots of cheesy appeal and comic value, both intentional and otherwise. It's so ridiculously sexist and outdated that you can't possibly take it seriously unless you have a stick up your rear the size of a redwood. Also, it's a '50s sci-fi movie so it has that charm about it. I love the colorful costumes, sets, and props. The cast is good. Zsa Zsa is memorably bad in the best way. Eric Fleming and Paul Birch play it straight, which helps make the whole thing that much funnier. Dave Willock is always a treat. But it's Patrick Waltz that gets the best (and most sexist) lines. A fun sci-fi movie that everyone should be able to enjoy on some level. Just take your serious hat off for awhile.