Satan's Bed

Satan's Bed (1965)

* (out of 4)

Really bad "drama" about a Japanese woman (Yoko Ono) who comes to America to stay with her mobster boyfriend but she's kidnapped and held for ransom. Or, I think that's what happens.

In all honesty, trying to make sense of this plot isn't that easy to do because it's pretty much all over the place. This is one of those movies that was shot without sound and voices were just added during the post-production. With that in mind, I guess you can't blame the filmmakers too much because I'm sure I'd even get mixed up when trying to film a movie this way.

There are all sorts of problems with this but the biggest issue is that the 72-minutes feel more like five hours. This movie really, really drags, which just makes the badness all the more apparent. The film has a plot that makes no sense and for a roughie there's really not too much going on. There's a few fights scattered throughout but nothing impressive. There are a few naked women scattered throughout the movie but, again, nothing impressive.

Of course, the main attraction to viewing this film today is the fact that it features Yoko Ono a little before she met John Lennon and history changed. She gives a pretty bad performance here, which shows why she probably wasn't going to make it as an actress. Still, considering what she would go onto do, it's fairly interesting watching her here.

This movie has recently taken a place (alongside such gilded classics as Plan 9 from Outer Space and Manos, Hands of Fate) on my list of the Worst Movies of All Time. But don't let that discourage you! This movie is rarely less than entertaining. Yoko Ono stars (oddly enough, she gets top billing, even though this film was released a good three years before she became widely known) as a young Japanese who comes to the U.S. as the fiancee of a drug-smuggling government agent. And that's about as much sense as one can make of the plot, such as it is. The rest involves homicidal perverts and a succession of deeply unpleasant individuals. Whether you're pro-Yoko or anti-Yoko, you can't help but feel awful for her character in this film. Never before have I seen a pathetically innocent character treated so badly in a film. And that's where the caveat comes in: this movie can be a very nasty experience in places. The group of murderous perverts rape and kill a number of women before the film is over, and Yoko's character is frequently subjected to the nonconsensual sexual attentions of a portly, greasy-looking gentleman. It makes one wonder how anyone could have seen this film as genuine, unironic entertainment. The frequent nudity is barely titillating, and the nonstop sexual nastiness ought to be enough to remove any hope of arousal. That being said, this film is useful as an historical relic of the grindhouse market and is sufficient to whet your B-movie appetite.

Garbage sexploitation film with a horrible plot. Who in their right mind would watch this and enjoy this?

It's worse than mediocre quality and it really shows. The plot is so basic and drives into the ground 2 seconds in.

This amazing time-capsule is a must-see primer for psychotronic movie fans. Like many other 60s grindhouse efforts, it outrageously combines more serious footage from an unreleased pic with unrelated and mismatching exploitation fare. In this case, the exploitation is provided by the incomparable Findlays (of "Flesh" trilogy fame), whose shadowy lit rape-fantasy shenanigans provide a stunning example of the "roughie" genre, mixed precariously with j.d. and lesbian-leather elements. Add to this the bizarre celebrity angle (a young Yoko Ono, threatening to, but thankfully never appearing in the nude), the lack-of-live sound and filmed-in-someone's backyard technique common to such features, and you have an absolute compendium of 60s sleaze stylings. The naked-girl-tied-to-a-pool-table opening itself is worth the price of the video, not to mention the half-naked girls hiding in trees.