Beach Ball

Still sportin' his "Kookie" combed hairdo, but looking a little long-in-the-tooth to be playing a teenage surfer boy, Edd Byrnes (as Dick "Dickie" Martin) and his rock 'n' roll group "The Wigglers" are in danger of losing their unpaid-for musical instruments. The college drop-outs fear they'll be "show business has-beens at twenty." Fund-raising Byrnes, sky diver Robert Logan (as Bango), auto racer Aron Kincaid (as Jack) and skin diver Don Edmonds (as Bob) are a good-looking quartet. And, there are many nicely-proportioned, bikini-ready girls to raise your interest...

In an arousing highlight, sweet blonde Chris Noel (as Susan Collins) bounces from her changing room with a parade of bikini-clad cuties. In between enjoying the bodies, you get a severely wigged Diana Ross with the Supremes singing the non-hit title song, the Four Seasons featuring Frankie Valli singing the hit "Dawn (Go Away)" and sandy songs from the Righteous Brothers, the Hondells and the Walker Brothers. Paramount's threadbare swipe at American International's "Beach Party" movies is less than ordinary, but it ends up with some unintended subversive sex play.

***** Beach Ball (9/29/65) Lennie Weinrib ~ Edd Byrnes, Robert Logan, Aron Kincaid, Don Edmonds

I only tuned into this film for a few minutes, but it was worth it...to see the Supremes (from Detroit's Motown label) singing surfing songs. Anyone who knows the geography of Detroit and the color of the Supremes knows why this is so fascinating.

Of particular splendor is Diana Ross' hairdo -- a beehive with what I can only guess is supposed to be a "wave" on one side.

You remember that routine that they used to do on NBC'S Saturday Night, the "Sixties Movie" thing? This is it. The lighting, the music (though persuasive... the Righteous Brothers kick butt), the chicks, the cars, the comic relief. It has "1965" scrawled all over it.

... with mixed results. Edd Byrnes stars as Dick, who's trying to manage his buddies' rock trio (Robert Logan, Aron Kincaid, and Don Edmonds) into a successful act. When they come up short for paying their instrument rental fees, Dick comes up with a plan to hoodwink a university for the money to buy their own equipment. The school sends four young ladies (Chris Noel, Mikki Jamison, Brenda Benet, and Gail Gilmore) to oversee the expenditure, with the expected romantic results. Also featuring Anna Lavelle, James Wellman, Jack Bernardi, and Dick Miller as "Cop #1".

With musical performances by The Supremes, The Four Seasons, The Righteous Brothers, The Walker Brothers, and the Hondells. The fictitious band in the film, "The Wrigglers", perform the most songs, generic surf-rock/teen idol stuff. The comedy is bad, Edd Byrnes is terrible and brings nothing but his meager name recognition to the table, and the movie looks cheap. However, the women are gorgeous and often in bikinis, the music is pretty good if silly and imminently forgettable, and there's a big custom hot rod show at the end.

Tell yourself you are studying lesser cinematic history to get through it all.

I don't know what I'm more angry at - frittering away an hour of my life watching a chunk of this stinker or that it was released by Paramount Pictures. What were they thinking? Yeah... yeah. We're the oldest studio in Hollywood. Know what? Let's chuck all that and put out a retarded beach movie.

When you see Edd "Kookie" Byrnes on any credit crawl, you know you're deep in the Bay of Crap. He's the leader of a surf band - right! - and they must raise a grand to keep their instruments out of hock. That's it. That's the movie. And there's skydiving, race-car driving, surfing and bikini waxing. ...All at the pace of glacier retreat at the end of the last Ice Age. There are four very lovely young gals who are uptight, neurotic Sybils until some bongo thumping gets them to unwind and uncork the cocoa butter. I hung around until I saw them in some rather tame bikinis and then hung it up.

This should be a drinking game. Everyone can knock one back every time someone in the cast says "daddio". Then, relax wait for those DTs to kick in. Oh... and vomit your guts out.