Ring of Terror

This murky film with terrible sound looks like it was filmed around 1939. It's about a bunch of geriatric medical students eagerly awaiting their first autopsy. One unshakable elderly boy's creeped-out girlfriend wishes he was studying anything but medicine. So why is she dating guys from med school? Is she going to medical school too? Or is this a college where you can major in being a doctor, with a minor in communications? It's hard to tell, and the women in in this movie don't seem to ever have to go to class.

Anyway, some middle-aged fraternity pranksters make the elderly boy steal a ring off a corpse, an urban legend that should take five minutes to tell and doesn't bode well stretched out to feature length. I'm not going to give away the ending, suffice to say the old man's weak ticker factors into the plot.

To pad out the running time, lots of time is spent dwelling on the two fat characters, exploring the theme that fat people love to eat and should be mocked for trying to do anything other than that. There's also a lengthy intro (and outro) by Bob Dobson, a creepy, cemetery-dwelling loser who stomps on his cat Puma's tale and mocks the dead. He must be the Crypt Keeper before the Crypt Keeper died and rotted and gained a penchant for bad puns.

As the end credits rolled to the execrable Ring Of Terror the first thing that occurred to me was that it had not succeeded to be any genre of movie at all, and I don't mean that in the good Donnie Darko way either.

The main problem is that it is essentially a Twilight Zone style set-up/payoff story but the film skirts so lightly over the setup (our main character has no fear) that the final pay-off seems utterly unconnected to anything. On top of that the payoff happens so swiftly that there's no dramatic tension at all.

The second problem is the tone. The movie starts off as a horror. Well, if you can class a campy actor looking for his cat (Puma!) in a graveyard while spouting nonsense actually horror. But once the opening credits have played the movie swiftly becomes a teen high school movie, so by the time the climax wrenches the viewer awkwardly back to horror we'd forgotten anything horrible was ever supposed to happen.

All of the other usual b-movie flaws are also evident - the bad acting, incredibly hittable 'comedy' characters, cheesy script. On top of that most of the college kids are played by really old actors. I'm not talking Danny and Sandy old here, these folks are literally in their forties with wrinkles and receding hairlines. It makes it very difficult to get into the story when they're so clearly not college kids.

In short don't think of watching this without the MST3K crew to help you along. It's easily one of the worst I've seen on MST3K.

This is one of those rare horror movies..the ones that try to bore you to death. This movie is one long snooze-fest, as it follows the adventures of an over forty, robotic med student, his ditzy girlfriend, and his 'frat buddies', all also over forty but amazingly childish. Looks like they all got stuck at about the age of eight emotionally.

The film starts out on a graveyard(great place for it), with a skinny caretaker deliberately stepping on his poor cat's tail, this after he'd spent ten minutes calling the thing "Pe-yuma!" he caroled over and over, until the viewer has the urge to reach into the screen and slap him hard. And then he trods on the cat's tail, after he went to all that trouble to find it! All to set up a really stupid scene where he talks about the life of the guy who's tombstone he ends up leaning on after he chased the (rightly) outraged cat through the cheap cardboard tombstones.

The med student who's life and death he details might already have been dead, so wooden and dull is he. Even when he's fishing a six foot rattlesnake out of the back of his car(well, at least it interrupted the incipient make out scene), he never bats an eye or emotes at all. How much Robitussen did this guy drink before he went on set?

This mook wants to join a fraternity at his college(a fraternity for guys over the age of forty but still in school, apparently). As part of his initiation, he has to endure whatever hazing his not very imaginative colleagues come up with. They tell him he has to retrieve a ring off the finger of a corpse, the dead guy being the body they'd seen dissected a few days ago as part of their classes. He goes and does it, but apparently Mr.Nerves of Steel is afraid of enclosed spaces and the dark, and so is scared to death when the corpse's arm brushes his. Lame. We spend sixty minutes wading through the plodding set up for this? This trite, heavy handed 'ironic' ending? Where's John Belushi when you need him?

Life must have been very, very tough in the early 1960s, as the college students in this film look older than me in many cases--and I'm 45! In addition, the 'students' talk very much like a square adult's idea of what 'those crazy kids' should sound like! Frankly, it was a bit embarrassing seeing these middle-aged folks cavorting about and acting like Archie, Jughead and the gang! The focus for this film is on the medical students (most of which look like they will be collecting social security benefits very, very soon). The class is beginning their work on cadavers and they are naturally far from excited about this--except for Moffitt who seems to enjoy the whole thing.

As far as the plot goes, I think my daughter summed it up best near the end of the film when she yelled out "can SOMETHING interesting happen soon?!". The answer, sadly, was NO--at least not until 53 minutes into the film! The film just meanders and is boring beyond belief....and occasionally offensive (such as during the beauty(??) pageant). At the 53 minute mark, there is very bad recreation of an old urban legend about the cemetery and the grave site---but, frankly, at this point in the film, who cares?! Overall, a really dull dud...and nothing happens to justify watching any of this schlocky film.

This is pretty bad, but in the most ridiculous, inconsequential way. Even though it was set in the fifties, the person who put it together must have had no inkling as to how human beings treat each other. This is a mess. You have a bunch of young women dating medical students (the big wage earners of the future) who have a need to party at the "Cafeteria." When the guys get their assignment to view an autopsy, one of the major events in their education, the girls go all ballistic because they were left at the dance. You can't tell the faculty from the students because they are all in their thirties or forties. The main character is traumatized by a fear that his grandfather will jump out of his coffin and throttle him. Let's face it. Ozzie and Harriet was more exciting. The dialogue is atrocious and the believability of the whole thing stretched to the limit. One of the most memorable scenes is the fat guy and his large girlfriend in the bushes, moaning, eating hot dogs. If this isn't Freudian, I don't know what is. It's really a mess, but sort of "mess"merizing.