Uchû Kaisokusen

The best way to see this movie is on Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you have ever watched MST 3000, you know that the MST crew take some of the worst movies ever made and make them fun. Along with the movie you get a running commentary of smart remarks, and references, that you would make if you had to see the movie and you couldn't get your money back! If you have not seen MST 3000, I think it is still on the Sci Fi channel. If not watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie. If bad movies are one of your guilty pleasures you will enjoy the movie MST style.

Where to begin? The soap-bubble thin plot? The lame "hero"? The annoying little kids? The repetitive and strafing footage filled battles? I honestly don't know. This film fails on so many levels, you can't really pinpoint what makes it the horror that it is. I don't think Mike and the Bots were even able to cover half the bad points that occured in the movie. The plot in the movie seems to continuosly go around in circles, with the evil bulletheaded aliens appearing, the scientists trying to look worried, the children in hot pants running, and Space Chief coming to the rescue. Sometimes we can't be sure exactly what is going on; all we know is that it's bad. So it comes to the final "climactic" battle, blah blah, the bad guys are defeated after a lengthy missile sequence, yadda yadda, and you're just glad it's over.

Sure, I thought "Prince of Space" was a TERRIBLE film, but after seeing "Invasion of the Neptune Men", well, that changed. This movie's even WORSE than "Prince of Space" to me. Why you ask? Well let's see...

First off, all of those annoying kids running around in a group wearing shorts. I just wanted to go berserk after a while of listening to those annoying, dubbed voices.

Second of all, Krankor doesn't appear in this movie. He was the only good point of "Prince of Space", and not having him in this film only made it worse (who didn't like that evil laugh that Krankor did).

Third of all, The stock footage. They used the same stock footage scenes so much in this movie. It was just aggrivating after awhile.

and fourth of all... no Prince of Space! Sure, he was a lame hero in the self titled previous film, but this new hero sucked.

The movie overall is god awful. Mike and the bots did a great job bashing this piece of cheese from Japan. I suggest to anyone who wants to see this to check it out on MST3K. The only non-painful way to endure this.

I can't talk long, I've picked up a case of Roji Pantie Complex after watching this horrible abortion of a film and I'm very weak. Mike is administering panties to me, but my body can only absorb so many at a time.

In this alleged movie, a group of boring alien invaders decide to cause random acts of violence on Earth in an attempt to take over the planet, but their schemes are constantly thwarted by Space Chief, strange visitor from another galaxy whose flying car shoots laser beams. A group of small Japanese children are also on hand at every major incident, and who seemingly are the nation's greatest natural resource as they have the power to discover valuable information and run really fast all over the place without ever getting tired.

Yes sir, the scientists and military are helpless against an alien race that flies around in giant Pringles can with wings, but the day it ultimately saved thanks to a dork in a flying car and six of the most annoying children you'll ever meet. God bless Japan for making this movie.

Once again, a horrible film is almost saved from being completely unwatchable thanks to the wonderful running commentary of Mike and the 'bots from "Mystery Science Theater 3000." But I do stress almost -- there are times when ever the mighty ones on the Satellite of Love can't withstand the boredom and non-action of "Uchu Kaisoku-sen" (aka "Invasion of the Neptune Men"), and you do have to despise a film that has the nerve to introduce an intergalactic "hero" like Space Chief but then have him suspiciously absent through most of the film.

The stock footage explosions are the most insulting, of course. Someone should feel very ashamed for including the "Hitler Building" in the explosion stock footage. Very dishonorable, Mr. Editor. Hang your head in shame.

2 out 10 stars. Japan should be tried for war crimes for producing this motion picture. P.S. Come back, "Prince of Space!" All is forgiven!

Aliens in bullet-head helmets, young boys running around in short shorts, army soldiers made up like Ru-Paul, Sonny Chiba (!) at his most un-heroic and Thomas the Tank Engine as the alien spaceship - is this any way to make a sci-fi movie?

It is if you've made this one. "Uchu Kaisoku-sen" (or "Invasion of the Neptune Men", as I know it) is a movie I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, it has a plot that feels like they left a few pages out of the script and replaced it with LOTS of stock footage. On the other hand, this is also a movie that will leave you rolling in the aisles (or your living room floor), gasping for breath at the stupid (dubbed) dialogue, fakey "special" FX, small disc ships that look like evil crab cakes and large groups of Japanese people running around all over the place - with no Godzilla in sight.

And that Space Chef - excuse me, Space CHIEF - what kind of a mook traipses around in white leotards, cape and a helmet with a corrective sun visor, trying to subdue the bad guys with karate kicks and chops that my two year-old daughter could out-maneuver with ease? To think that this was Sonny Chiba in that spandex is a head-scratcher; we all gotta start somewhere, I suppose.

You can watch this either way: alone or with Mike and the robots. Doesn't matter 'cause you'll get entertainment value either way. Derisive laughter is derisive laughter, no matter how you take it. Though I still cackle when I think of how the MST3K crew reacted when they blew up the Hitler building ("WHAT?!!") or Servo's song dedicated to the stock footage ("da da da-da da da...EAT IT, MOVIE!!!).

Anyway, you watch a movie like this on a Saturday afternoon - after the cartoons and before the pro-bowler's tour. Perfect way to waste a couple of hours: laughing hysterically.

Seven stars (yeah, that's right - SEVEN) for "Uchu Kaisoku-sen". Ten stars, as always, for the MST3K version.

And, as always, "NE C'EST PAS"!