Uchû Kaisokusen

Where to begin? The soap-bubble thin plot? The lame "hero"? The annoying little kids? The repetitive and strafing footage filled battles? I honestly don't know. This film fails on so many levels, you can't really pinpoint what makes it the horror that it is. I don't think Mike and the Bots were even able to cover half the bad points that occured in the movie. The plot in the movie seems to continuosly go around in circles, with the evil bulletheaded aliens appearing, the scientists trying to look worried, the children in hot pants running, and Space Chief coming to the rescue. Sometimes we can't be sure exactly what is going on; all we know is that it's bad. So it comes to the final "climactic" battle, blah blah, the bad guys are defeated after a lengthy missile sequence, yadda yadda, and you're just glad it's over.

Sure, I thought "Prince of Space" was a TERRIBLE film, but after seeing "Invasion of the Neptune Men", well, that changed. This movie's even WORSE than "Prince of Space" to me. Why you ask? Well let's see...

First off, all of those annoying kids running around in a group wearing shorts. I just wanted to go berserk after a while of listening to those annoying, dubbed voices.

Second of all, Krankor doesn't appear in this movie. He was the only good point of "Prince of Space", and not having him in this film only made it worse (who didn't like that evil laugh that Krankor did).

Third of all, The stock footage. They used the same stock footage scenes so much in this movie. It was just aggrivating after awhile.

and fourth of all... no Prince of Space! Sure, he was a lame hero in the self titled previous film, but this new hero sucked.

The movie overall is god awful. Mike and the bots did a great job bashing this piece of cheese from Japan. I suggest to anyone who wants to see this to check it out on MST3K. The only non-painful way to endure this.

Wow! This movie (I use the term loosely) really, really sucked. Thankfully I saw it with Mike and the 'bots...and they could barely make it through this abortion. I could barely make it through. Waaaaaay too much stock footage, waaaaay to many annoying kids. What made "Prince of Space" at least mildly amusing was the phantom of Krankor. At least he had a personality. The neptune suppositories down even talk.

Aliens in bullet-head helmets, young boys running around in short shorts, army soldiers made up like Ru-Paul, Sonny Chiba (!) at his most un-heroic and Thomas the Tank Engine as the alien spaceship - is this any way to make a sci-fi movie?

It is if you've made this one. "Uchu Kaisoku-sen" (or "Invasion of the Neptune Men", as I know it) is a movie I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, it has a plot that feels like they left a few pages out of the script and replaced it with LOTS of stock footage. On the other hand, this is also a movie that will leave you rolling in the aisles (or your living room floor), gasping for breath at the stupid (dubbed) dialogue, fakey "special" FX, small disc ships that look like evil crab cakes and large groups of Japanese people running around all over the place - with no Godzilla in sight.

And that Space Chef - excuse me, Space CHIEF - what kind of a mook traipses around in white leotards, cape and a helmet with a corrective sun visor, trying to subdue the bad guys with karate kicks and chops that my two year-old daughter could out-maneuver with ease? To think that this was Sonny Chiba in that spandex is a head-scratcher; we all gotta start somewhere, I suppose.

You can watch this either way: alone or with Mike and the robots. Doesn't matter 'cause you'll get entertainment value either way. Derisive laughter is derisive laughter, no matter how you take it. Though I still cackle when I think of how the MST3K crew reacted when they blew up the Hitler building ("WHAT?!!") or Servo's song dedicated to the stock footage ("da da da-da da da...EAT IT, MOVIE!!!).

Anyway, you watch a movie like this on a Saturday afternoon - after the cartoons and before the pro-bowler's tour. Perfect way to waste a couple of hours: laughing hysterically.

Seven stars (yeah, that's right - SEVEN) for "Uchu Kaisoku-sen". Ten stars, as always, for the MST3K version.

And, as always, "NE C'EST PAS"!

Remember "Prince of Space"? MST3K # 816? Okay. This is basically a remake of that. Instead of Prince of Space, though, we get Space Chief, another effeminent, hopping hero. Instead of the chicken-men of Krankor, we get mute, bullet-headed robots who have trouble walking and fall down at the tiniest hint of danger. And instead of two annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids we get SIX annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids. Slow the whole thing down, add lots of scenes of Japanese people talking in poorly lit rooms, and actual war footage instead of special effects, and you've got one of the worse movies ever made. I know that phrase is over-used and has little or no impact anymore, but this movie really is almost unbearable. It's amazing! It's joyless, depressing, AND technically inept!

Enjoy the Hitler building.