Rocket Attack U.S.A.

I never thought espionage and nuclear war could be so boring. Watching this movie would give you that impression. What was the deal with the blind guy? At least he didn't have to see this. Skip Rocket Attack USA unless you have the MST3K version.

In 1986, SNL alumni Laraine Newman starred in a 13-installment series called "Canned Film Festival", in which she and regular customers in a phony theater snackbar setting would talk about the bad movie that was playing in that night's schedule. What the writers failed to realize was that the irritating "comic relief" offered up by this stock pile of wannabes was nowhere nearly as funny as the films they showed... that took themselves seriously!

Cue ROCKET ATTACK USA. This typically lethargic Barry Mahon epic (remember CUBAN REBEL GIRLS?) is nonetheless a real scream. It is an outrageous piece of grimy slop. This is the kind of Grade Z espionage flick which heavily relies on stock footage, people reacting to offscreen cut-ins, and the principal cast "emoting" in front of those great nondescript black backgrounds. This is the kind of movie where a person gets mowed down by machine guns, and says, "You go ahead- I'm all right."

I haven't seen this film since, but I would love to have another look at it. However, in light of the atrocities of September 11, no-one would dare program it. After all, it does feature rockets attacking New York City. In today's climate, pictures like this and SHACK OUT ON 101, can no longer be viewed as hilariously outdated, naive pieces of Red Scare Propaganda. Suddenly, we understand how our ancestors felt back in the 1950's... being on the verge of disaster. Who knew that a Barry Mahon film would be topical?

This movie must be the only terrible movie to be too terrible to be panned on MST3K (which it was...). Did any of these "actors" actually paid for this trash? This makes the 1951 Invasion USA look like academy award material. Who was Barry Mahon trying to kid? How about a worst movie of all time festival with this piece of you-know-what, Monster A-Go-Go, and Manos the Hands of Fate as the headliners? The production was the cheapest, the actors the worst, the plot was stupid and contrived, the so-called facts about the Soviet Union and sputnik weren't. How about all those "foreign" accents, eh? Well Mahon may have gotten the miniscule amount of spoken Russian right as they were spoken by two real Russians (noticed them in the credits).

This is definitely the feel-good movie of the Cold War era. What more could you want? Plot contrivances by the boatload, one-dimensional characters, and unnecessary scenes clutter this otherwise noble film about military preparedness during the period when just as many people were scared of Charlie McCarthy as Joe McCarthy. What makes this film truly disappointing is the lack of authenticity on the film makers part. After all, who could honestly believe that you would have ONE Russian soldier guarding your precious ICBM that is aimed at New York City. Further, why would an American agent who can waltz right up to said ICBM, but yet have the slowest fuse on any bomb ever invented? *Sigh* I guess all movies can't be "Red Zone Cuba".

"If only money spent supporting cheese prices could have been spent on missle research"

This movie is a blatant propaganda piece that, for whatever reason, I get a serious kick out of. Don't get me wrong, the movie's terrible and the acting's wretched. But it's just so BAD! And the "we're right they're wrong" moralizing attitude makes me laugh out loud. Every Communist is portrayed as a boorish, war-mad, untrustworthy pig. And the narration is hilarious, especially in scenes where it "translates" what the Russians are saying.

The most interesting thing about the movie is that for the last 20 min. there seems to be no plot at all. I don't dare reveal the "horrifying" conclusion, but let's just say you'll be scratching your head a bit.

Watch for the scene where some generals stare at the nonexistent rocket.