Rocket Attack U.S.A.

In 1986, SNL alumni Laraine Newman starred in a 13-installment series called "Canned Film Festival", in which she and regular customers in a phony theater snackbar setting would talk about the bad movie that was playing in that night's schedule. What the writers failed to realize was that the irritating "comic relief" offered up by this stock pile of wannabes was nowhere nearly as funny as the films they showed... that took themselves seriously!

Cue ROCKET ATTACK USA. This typically lethargic Barry Mahon epic (remember CUBAN REBEL GIRLS?) is nonetheless a real scream. It is an outrageous piece of grimy slop. This is the kind of Grade Z espionage flick which heavily relies on stock footage, people reacting to offscreen cut-ins, and the principal cast "emoting" in front of those great nondescript black backgrounds. This is the kind of movie where a person gets mowed down by machine guns, and says, "You go ahead- I'm all right."

I haven't seen this film since, but I would love to have another look at it. However, in light of the atrocities of September 11, no-one would dare program it. After all, it does feature rockets attacking New York City. In today's climate, pictures like this and SHACK OUT ON 101, can no longer be viewed as hilariously outdated, naive pieces of Red Scare Propaganda. Suddenly, we understand how our ancestors felt back in the 1950's... being on the verge of disaster. Who knew that a Barry Mahon film would be topical?

"If only money spent supporting cheese prices could have been spent on missle research"

This movie is a blatant propaganda piece that, for whatever reason, I get a serious kick out of. Don't get me wrong, the movie's terrible and the acting's wretched. But it's just so BAD! And the "we're right they're wrong" moralizing attitude makes me laugh out loud. Every Communist is portrayed as a boorish, war-mad, untrustworthy pig. And the narration is hilarious, especially in scenes where it "translates" what the Russians are saying.

The most interesting thing about the movie is that for the last 20 min. there seems to be no plot at all. I don't dare reveal the "horrifying" conclusion, but let's just say you'll be scratching your head a bit.

Watch for the scene where some generals stare at the nonexistent rocket.

Quick checklist: There's a rocket. There's the USA; well mostly Russia. There is a threat of an attack. Guns are fired. Spies do their thing. Soldiers with bad russian accents ponder the term `credibility'. Oh, there's also a bald russian guy who drinks a lot and paws poor American spy girl. A rather heavy American couple part company and he promises to get a tie. Other than, nothing much happens in this good simulation of purgatory. There are a lot annoying BLEEPS and WOOO sirens. Good stock footage of New York, planes taking off, rockets firing. I also loved the rocket which was so advanced it had no shadow.

This movie was great...till it began.

Rocket Attack U.S.A. (1961)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Cold War propaganda has an American agent landing in Russia where his mission is to determine how far their missile technology is and whether or not the United States are in danger.

ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. comes from director Barry Mahon and many reviews will have you thinking that this here is one of the worst films ever made. I'd argue that it's not even one of the worst Cold War propaganda films ever made. Perhaps I've simply been watching too many Mahon films but there's no question that there's a lot of bad stuff in this movie and I'll talk about that later.

No matter how much you hate this bad movie, and it is a bad movie, at the same time it's technically a lot better made than so many other low-budget movies. I mean, the work of Edward D. Wood, Jr., Al Adamson, Francis Coleman and Ted V, Mikels is much worse to say the least. At least Mahon could take a low-budget movie and to make certainly technical errors that so many others have. While the budget and performances don't make for a great picture, I think Mahon could have delivered something better with the right material.

With that said, the budget here is just so low and there are so many other problems. For starters, this film makes it way too easy for the American agent to sneak into Russia and what's worse is that everyone there is speaking with an American accent. Another major problem is that there's no suspense to be found and you really don't care if the missile hits America or not. In fact, I'd argue that most people will be cheering for it to do so!

ROCKET ATTACK U.S.A. wasn't meant to be taken serious and there's certainly nothing here that warrants you doing so. If you're expecting FAIL SAFE or DR. STRANGELOVE then you're certainly coming to the wrong film.

I never thought espionage and nuclear war could be so boring. Watching this movie would give you that impression. What was the deal with the blind guy? At least he didn't have to see this. Skip Rocket Attack USA unless you have the MST3K version.