The Beast of Yucca Flats

A confusing and mind melting mess of a film. They don't make them like this anymore! Tor Johnson's chance to star! Tor, as you may know, was a professional wrestler who went on to fame in Ed Wood, Jr. films like Bride of the Monster and Plan Nine from Outer Space. His huge build, like a human wall, and his bald head became famous. They still sell Halloween masks with his image!

In this film atrocity, he plays an atomic scientist on the run! Watch how government agents empty their guns shooting at him at close range, but can't hit his huge 400 pound body! If fact people are repeatedly shot in this film without any effect whatsoever. The film is most famous for its near total lack of dialogue, as an off screen narrator tells the audience what is going on and endlessly babbles cryptic philosophical insights on the modern world. Out of nowhere the narrator says things like "Flag on the Moon, how did get there?" "Young boys feed soda to the thirsty pigs."

The "plot" has Tor accidently stumbling into an atomic bomb test (funny how that happens), getting his clothes ripped up in the process, and then becoming a sort of hermit like desert cave dweller with a big stick. He likes to grab women, carry them around, and lick their hair. There are some other plot elements, but they don't make much sense. In fact, nothing in this movie makes much sense. Perhaps its all meant to be "art" and if so, its a lot more fun than any Andy Warhol film ever was. I would love to make serious film students watch and study Beast of Yucca Flats to learn its cinematic techniques and digest its social commentary.

The long version of the movie contains a nude scene at the beginning. Yes, the film drags in places, but its a unique and unforgettable work.

Tor Johnson is probably best remembered for his starring in the so-called "worst movie ever made" Plan 9 from Outer Space! Well, the people who voted this obviously never saw The Beast of Yucca Flats! Ed Wood's Plan 9 is an authentic masterpiece compared to Coleman Francis' unendurable work of art. As most of my fellow-reviewers already pointed out: everything that can go possibly wrong in a movie features here…times ten! Even though the story only lasts 54 minutes, it's one of the most tedious experiences I ever had to sit through! Johnson plays a devoted scientist (oh yeah, he really looks like one) chased by cops (why? You tell me…) into a radiation test-area. There, he transforms into some sort of Hulky monster that goes on a lame prowl in the desert. What follows is a hilarious attempt by Francis to create tension and confusion, as he shows cops hunting down the wrong person (for 10 minutes!) and Johnson chasing two young boys that got lost in the wastelands. There's as good as no dialogue in the film, only Francis' own voice-over. And I guarantee you'll be wishing him dead after approximately 15 minutes. He talks the biggest nonsense (example: "Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast") and personally introduces you to even the most meaningless side-character! Argh, the humanity!! The spontaneously improvised ending (featuring Johnson kissing a baby rabbit) just stresses how ingeniously awful this production actually is. Oh well, at least it's bad in a fun way. Most of the time, you can't figure out whether to pity or worship everyone involved in this film. Johnson wisely decided to quit his acting career after this but Coleman Francis ambitiously persisted chasing his dreams and delivered the – even worse – film "Night Train to Munde Fino" in 1966. His cinema career regretfully ended with guest appearances where he got credited as "Fat drunk" or "1st man"… What a damn shame! Believe the public opinion on this one, folks! It really is awful

Tor Johnson the famed Swedish Angel wrestler and member in good standing of the Ed Wood stock company stars as The Beast Of Yucca Flats. Tor wasn't always a beast, in fact he was a respected defecting Russian nuclear scientist whom the KGB tracked down to the Yucca Flats testing site. The Russians and the FBI shoot it out over possession of Tor, but a nuclear blast settles the issue.

It leaves the FBI and the Russians quite dead, but all Tor has is a nasty skin rash and a nastier disposition. He's now The Beast of Yucca Flats and the rest of the film involves law enforcement tracking him down after he commits a few murders. There's also a couple of stray kids lost on the desert and a suspenseful race to get them before The Beast Of Yucca Flats does.

I just saw another terrible science fiction flick in which the same voice-over technique was used masking the performances of the cast who I'm sure were giving Oscar quality performances. Probably just as well we didn't hear too much banal dialog, but the voice-over wasn't any better.

As for the cinematography most amateur film makers have done better with an old Belle&Howell.

I just finished reading a biography of Bela Lugosi in which Tor Johnson is described as a big, lovable, pussycat of a man. I feel kind of bad for him. His best work might well be in Mighty Joe Young where he was one of the wrestlers challenging the large simian in that tug of war. As for The Beast Of Yucca Flats, no Ed Wood product has anything on this film.

The towering presence of "Swedish Angel" Tor Johnson and laughable narration that sounds at times like some kind of oriental poetry fail to make this film more than barely watchable. There is no real dialogue (presumably the producers couldn't afford a travelling microphone) -- all the dialogue is postdubbed with the actors conveniently turning their heads away when the speak! -- or story, and the only effects are a guy parachuting off a helicopter and Johnson in pancake makeup. Still, a somehow amusing low-budget film filled with friends and associates of the late great Ed Wood.

A man. A movie. Mans inhumanity to the movie.

I have watched my share of garbage-amateur-horrible-z-grade horror, but Coleman Francis's: The Beast of Yucca Flats must be the worst ever! I cannot say I wasn't warned by other user comments, but such a warning only sparked my interest. If there ever was a movie, which deserved to be rated 1/10 this must be it.

The Plot: A defecting Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) is chased into atomic testing grounds by KGB agents, and he turns into a monster after he is exposed to a nuclear blast. You can tell he has turned into a monster because his hair is now white! The monster goes on a killing rampage, and two detectives venture out to stop him.

What went wrong: Short answer: Everything!

1. Dubbing. It took a while before I noticed that you never see any of the characters when they speak, so I checked the IMDb trivia section. Apparently the movie was shot without sound and later dubbed and to avoid out of sync problems the characters had their backs to the camera when talking or the camera focused on something else… It is hilarious to watch two people talk when the camera constantly shifts to the character that isn't talking. And then trying to get away with it for a whole hour…

2. The "score". The score is so over the top dramatic that it adds to the fun. A man walks through the desert/prairie and suddenly he sees a Keep Out sign, and you are blasted backwards in your chair by the music. Judging by the music a Keep Out sign is so much scarier than getting stabbed while showering… I guess it is supposed to compensate for the missing suspense/horror/action on all the other fronts!

3. The Narrator. The funniest thing in the movie is the narrator (Coleman Francis himself), who speaks with a calm and intellectual voice. I don't think one word he spoke made any sense – it's pseudo-intellectual dribble from the beginning to the end. We see a man lying in a hammock and the narrator goes: "Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers". I have no idea where he got flying saucers from – there are none in the movie nor are they ever mentioned. We see the scientist walking into the testing grounds and the narrator says: "Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast". It's like that during the whole movie.

4. Acting and effects. If the movie was supposed to be scary it would all depend on the monster, but like I already mentioned it consists of Tor Johnson with some white stuff on his face. We see the horrible monster chase a couple of boys, but sadly the monster is so fat it cannot really run, but it can throw rocks and wave a big stick… There are a couple of gunfights in the movie, but the bullets don't make holes or draw blood… Now, this might all sound like it makes some kind of sense, but let me assure you that it does not! There are so many whys and WTFs in this movie!

I will join the 393 out of 527 who rated this movie 1/10, but the fun factor is a lot higher. I didn't end up hating the movie like I did with Troll 2. And hey… it's only 54 minutes!