The Curse of Halloween Jack

OK. I was expecting it to be bad...but this just stole 77 minutes of my life. I'm even struggling at where to start with the review. I enjoy terrible films, I used to love some of the cheesy films the horror channel used to play but this was in a whole other genre. English police officers welding guns around like everyone has one, while we're on that note everyone seems to have a firearm even the public. The Dad giving his Daughter dollars to pay for a pizza even though its set in a fictional town in the UK.

The really Bad special effects. Everyone gets shot or stabbed and no blood in sight they even blow up a brick built police station then cut to the outside of a wooden cabin for the explosion, then use stock footage of a US fire department fighting the blaze. Nobody seems to be able to run. I've never been so bored watching a film. I put it on to pass the time and I honestly believe it would have been more entertaining if I had spent the 77 minutes cutting my lawn with scissors, watching paint dry or just sitting in silence.

The titular Halloween Jack's motivation may've gotten away from him a bit in the first film, but in this one, he just straight up doesn't have one. The first two places Jack Cain strikes are the home of the man responsible for banning Halloween, followed by the house where the only Halloween party in town is taking place. As an aside, at said party, when Halloween Jack comes in and starts boldfaced killing everybody out in the open, about twenty kids start running back and forth in front of the camera about a foot away from the murderer, while another half a dozen sort off look at him apathetically and wait for their turn to die. It is genuinely one of the stupidest scenes I've ever seen in a movie. And I watch a lot of crappy horror movies. What I'm saying is guys, these movies are bad. I get the impulse - it's Halloween, and these are horror movies that literally have "Halloween" in the title, but I'd rather another go around on every single one of the terrible Michael Myers sequels that came out than ever revisit either one of the Halloween Jack movies.

Final rating:1 star - Of no value. Avoid at all costs.

American or English? I don't know if the film makers or actors knew. This felt like someone was trying to make a feature length version of a Goosebumps episode. Terrible, but I have seen worse.

Andrew Jones follows up the turd that was Legend of Halloween Jack with another turd, only this one is very slightly more polished! Despite making movies in South Wales he is obsessed with including American characters but sadly he has yet to find one that can do an authentic sounding accent. This only drags his bad films down even further. One of these "American" characters is Duke, obviously "inspired" by Kurt Russell's "Snake" from Escape from New York. Jack looks laughable and his kills are largely bloodless and lame, for example one victim has a mobile phone shoved into her mouth. And what's with a guy handing out dollar notes to his daughter despite being obviously filmed in the UK!? One of the better scenes has some mildly amusing banter between a gay and a straight man. Final Girl Danielle (Tiffany Ceri) looks stunning but shows a complete lack of emotion, she also looks older than the 19 year old that she is playing. Marginally better than the first movie but I only scored that trash 1/10. Rubbish.

Even Sharknado is less trash. Srsly I thought it could be a good movie or at least mediocre but it's probably the trashiest "Horror"-Movie I've ever seen.