House Shark

Fans of SHE KILLS or NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE might be inclined to give this one a watch, but HOUSE SHARK doesn't rise to the same heights as those other movies.

This is much more obviously a parody of movies like SHARKNADO with plenty of allusions to JAWS. Unfortunately, it's a bit too self-indulgent. Some of the jokes land and they're hilarious; many others merit a chuckle, if that.

At an hour and 52 minutes, it overstays its welcome and needed to trim about 30 minutes off the runtime.

The performances and special effects were adequate for the tone of the movie. Wayne W. Johnson and Melissa LaMartina turned in commendable performances. I was disappointed in Trey Harrison's turn in the lead role, but perhaps that was due to the script (or maybe improvised takes?) that went too often for "jokes" that didn't work.

Judged solely on whether it's a good time, I would have to say, maybe if you're drinking. Otherwise, it's too inconsistent and needed ruthless editing.

The quinn wannabe was a bit irritating and the effects if you can call it that were pretty cheesy. if you wanna try and be as bad or worse than mulva zombie ass kicker as the worst movie ever might wanna try a bit harder. after 10 mins i was looking for the exit and should get a medal for finishing this one. i wouldn't recommend it even for a time killer and you have better things to do.

I enjoy poorly-done, low-budget, screwball movies for their sheer lunacy and entertainment value, but this one...Never before have I seen anything put on film that was this outlandishly ridiculous. Some jokes are funny, and Mr. Bonk thought he must have been playing a great prank on the audience. From the pitiful acting, to the obsession over certain body parts, and the ludicrous foam "house shark," there were literally no redeeming parts to this "film." I tried to enjoy ANY part of this cinematic treasure and I just couldn't. If you want to punish someone for almost two hours, ask them to watch "House Shark" with you.

According to Ron Bonk's comedy horror House Shark, herds of sharks used to roam the land in America until they were forced into the sea by hunters, although a few remained. It is one of these last land-dwelling sharks that terrorises homeowner Frank, forcing him out of his house to live in the garden. With the help of house shark expert Zachary (Michael Merchant) and drunken salty sea-dog Abraham (Wes Reid), Frank tries to kill the big fish.

House Shark is, as the title suggests, a dumb movie. No... scratch that. It's a very, very, VERY dumb movie, intentionally so. Unfortunately, Bonk's particular brand of comedy - goofball lunacy with lots of toilet humour - only occasionally hits the mark, with most of the gags floundering like a shark on a Chinese fishing boat. With the film running at nearly two hours long, the silliness gets really tedious, Abraham's drunken drawl proving particularly grating on the nerves.

The special effects range from the barely passable (I quite enjoyed the underwater scene in which things float on clearly visible wires) to the downright terrible (the shark itself looks like it's been made from chicken wire and papier-mâché). The film opens in promisingly trashy fashion with a naked woman pulled down a toilet by the shark, leaving a bloody mess in her wake, but the rest of the film is nudity free, with very little gore.

2.5/10, generously rounded up to 3 for the one line that actually made me laugh: "I don't know how many people died that day. 3....4... maybe none."

Who thought this should be an hour and 52 minutes long?!?