Blackbird

OK, I've watched this so that you don't need to.

Rather than review this on here, I'd encourage you to chase up Mark Kermode's rant. Not only is Kermode on sparkling, witty form, but he also tells you all that you need to know about why you shouldn't watch this. And let me just qualify that: ever.

Kermode said: "It's not just bad - it's eye-wateringly awful. There are scenes in this that Tommy Wiseau, who made The Room, would have said, 'I'm sorry, that's actually not up to snuff - we're going to have to take that out ... This is not cinema; this is something so staggeringly self-regarding. I've seen a lot of very bad performances, but this is in a stratosphere of his own."

This review doesn't contain spoilers, because they would add nothing to what is already spoiled beyond repair.

The strangest thing about Michael Flatley's 90-minute animated selfie is how dated it is. A sort of action-free action remake of Casablanca is one thing, but Flatley hasn't moved on (in 2018) from servile magic black men, skinny women whose job is simply to appear nearly naked, high-stakes Texas hold'em (ffs that was old in 1999), and indeterminately Middle Eastern bad guys.

Eric Roberts can't seem to manage his teeth, the hotel singer cannot speak intelligibly - I don't think this is a disability-opportunity casting - and never mind Flatley's stupid hats; he must have been measured for his clothes before a particularly self-indulgent Christmas.

Like Claude Rains channelling William Shatner as depicted by George Galloway.

If it was fast-moving, it might be approaching hilariously bad, but it's slower than a wer Sunday in Rosscarberry.

I watched this film on line a few days ago and really struggled to watch it all the way through, though I did spend some of the time playing a card game on my phone.

It is essentially a series of poorly executed cliches more stolen than 'based upon' old movies. The acting ranges from disinterested to awful and the experience left me surprised that I couldn't even laugh at it. Just bad.

I note that 5 reviews award it 10/10. Mmmm. I quite liked the Austin Powers movies, but I hadn't realised they were masterpieces until I half-watched this.

I hadn't realised until afterwards that Mr Flatley had produced this as a sort of 'vanity project', but that does go some way to explaining the inexplicable heroism and misogynism on display here.

The film if you want to call it that is absolutely awful from start to finish! I was really looking forward to this film as I am a fan of Michael Flatley. It is actually more of a vanity project than a film to be honest. The story is weak, the cast are clearly there for the money without bringing an ounce of character to the screen, the effects are subpar & the lead is wholly unbelievable as a character. Just don't waste your time or money on this lame duck. The sooner it's gone from my memory the better.

I'd avoid this tripe like the plague. It's definitely on par with Cats. Just really a terrible whatever it is. Awful.

I really agreed to watch this because I like Eric Roberts - or I have. Previously. I guess he was suffering from the lack of work post-Covid. I don't know why else he would take this junk on. He, alas, could not begin to redeem it.

A good friend was a top tech on one of Flatley's productions, and told me about his experience in great detail. I won't go into the most sordid bits, as the man is ill. Suffice it to say, Flatley has an ego the size of Australia, showcased in this ill-conceived vanity piece. Only a pubescent boy could possibly think that this is good filmmaking. Thin plot badly written, worse editing, and ridiculously unnecessary hats. I'm embarrassed for Eric Roberts. He can do better, so I gave it two stars.