Blackbird

The film if you want to call it that is absolutely awful from start to finish! I was really looking forward to this film as I am a fan of Michael Flatley. It is actually more of a vanity project than a film to be honest. The story is weak, the cast are clearly there for the money without bringing an ounce of character to the screen, the effects are subpar & the lead is wholly unbelievable as a character. Just don't waste your time or money on this lame duck. The sooner it's gone from my memory the better.

I'd avoid this tripe like the plague. It's definitely on par with Cats. Just really a terrible whatever it is. Awful.

I'll make this brief as others that liked it more have gone into good detail. Indeed its a peacocks view of himself. Flatley should never write/direct again unless he's directing choreography. I kept up hope that a Bogart or Bond type would appear but alas, nothing but poor acting & campy attempts trying to move a poorly done movie to the grave. Even Eric Roberts has lost his craft & devolved into becoming a caricature of a bad guy. The great looking women were the only redemption.

Now, the hat.... Why did no one tell Flatley to fix the hat? He chose to wear it like a "gay blade" or a runway model & not like the former 'badass agent' he was supposed to be.

I rated this generously bc of the great looking women, especially the singer.

The strangest thing about Michael Flatley's 90-minute animated selfie is how dated it is. A sort of action-free action remake of Casablanca is one thing, but Flatley hasn't moved on (in 2018) from servile magic black men, skinny women whose job is simply to appear nearly naked, high-stakes Texas hold'em (ffs that was old in 1999), and indeterminately Middle Eastern bad guys.

Eric Roberts can't seem to manage his teeth, the hotel singer cannot speak intelligibly - I don't think this is a disability-opportunity casting - and never mind Flatley's stupid hats; he must have been measured for his clothes before a particularly self-indulgent Christmas.

Like Claude Rains channelling William Shatner as depicted by George Galloway.

If it was fast-moving, it might be approaching hilariously bad, but it's slower than a wer Sunday in Rosscarberry.

OK, I've watched this so that you don't need to.

Rather than review this on here, I'd encourage you to chase up Mark Kermode's rant. Not only is Kermode on sparkling, witty form, but he also tells you all that you need to know about why you shouldn't watch this. And let me just qualify that: ever.

Kermode said: "It's not just bad - it's eye-wateringly awful. There are scenes in this that Tommy Wiseau, who made The Room, would have said, 'I'm sorry, that's actually not up to snuff - we're going to have to take that out ... This is not cinema; this is something so staggeringly self-regarding. I've seen a lot of very bad performances, but this is in a stratosphere of his own."

This review doesn't contain spoilers, because they would add nothing to what is already spoiled beyond repair.

This film should have been made in Kansas. The dialogue is so corny, that even the B actors trying to say the lines at least deserve an award for keeping a straight face as they deliver these lines of drivel. The film must have been written by a first year film student during his or her lunch break. The dialogue is so bad, it sounds improvised without a director present. There is no director on earth who could have saved this turkey. They would have been much better off trying to play this as a satire, but it would have failed badly at that as well. Please do not waste your money seeing this poor excuse for a film. I saw it for free, and needed two gin and tonics to get over my experience.