Toof

The first Tooth Fairy movie is one that eluded me on my bi-weekly visits to the Human sideshow known as Walmart. I guess I was slightly pickier back then. I bought the fourth entry there recently not realizing it was part of a series. Fortunately I found parts 2 and 3 at Goodwill and was able to obtain the original on eBay for less than the cost of a new movie and that includes shipping. A word of warning to people hoarding Scott Jeffrey movies for resale value later on, don't do it. Even those sexy slipcovers won't make these turds valuable. This doesn't feature Scott's usual coterie of actresses/actors with none of the faces familiar to me. It does feature the overly dramatic dialogue and talkative nature of most of Jeffrey's movies. Like all of them they start out fast and furious and then plod along with endless drama and boredom for the vast "middle" part of the movie. Things pick up at the end with some decent kills involving teeth removal and a toothbrush death which was unrealistic but fun. This movie also features some pro-sugar propaganda, with the deadly white substance being one of the few things that can harm Tooth.

Tooth is a really lame moniker for a killer creature. The creature itself is kind of cool looking during its brief screen time. This also features a quick scene of the often annoying/occasionally funny Shawn C. Phillips in an online video explaining the history of the Tooth Fairy. Like most Scott Jeffrey produced movies this is dreary, colorless, humorless, way too talky and wastes a beautiful English countryside location. There's no sex/nudity as usual though the cast is absent of beautiful women so it's not a huge loss. There's also a very sparse amount of blood and gore. Jeffrey has been involved in some fun films, Tooth Fairy isn't one of them. I'm really glad I have 3 more Tooth Fairy films (with a fifth film in production) to look forward to.

Some of the highlights of this film inspired me to write a review. The finer highlights:

-The "grandma" being younger than the daughter

-The "grandpa"'s silly wig

-The inventive use of dental implements such as toothbrush and floss as death instruments

-The silly ghost mask used for the bad guy

Overall, a solid 5 as far as bad horror movies go. I am always interested in seeing a new spin on an old classic theme and this one failed miserably! It did make me laugh out loud, though, and inspired me to write this review. Give it a try, if for anything other than the laughs!

If you're like me sometimes a review meant to push away makes me want to watch it more. They'll go on and on about what happens, why, who, blah blah blah.

Here's all my advice... Don't. Just don't watch it. You'll seriously wish you had listened to me! :)

Stilted dialogue and lack of story or setup aside, the "father" looks like a 20 year old with some grey spray in his hair who is desperately trying to sound like a grizzled old man; his "daughter" gets a visit from her "daughter"... who looks 10 years older than her.

I mean.... we're not talking Oscar calibre anything here, but surely getting age appropriate actors isn't difficult...?

There's no passage of time other than what's indicated by the terrible exposition and strained dialogue, so it may as well be the next day on from the opening scene.

Ugh. Sorry, but whinging English characters don't do it for me. But if everything I've written is your cup of tea, then give this a watch. And you have my deepest sympathies!

It's difficult to know what to make of this. The first few scenes made me think the production was a spoof, so incredible were the casting choices. Jen (Claudine-Helene Aumord) is visited by her resentful daughter Carla (Claire-Maria Fox), who looks exactly the same age. Father Rueben (Will Dodd) looks even younger, resplendent with a few grey flecks of hair and growling for all he's worth to convince us of his 'advanced' years. It's difficult to think of a worse start to a film.

Things improve slightly when the Tooth Fairy turns up, all distorted voice and Halloween mask. Suddenly, there's a bit of gore and the tantalising idea of people suffering other peoples' pain when having their teeth hammered out. In among the grubby soap-opera-level squabbles, the creature is revealed as a family curse, in a series of flashbacks spread throughout. All accompanied by the strains of a mournful piano.

This is an independent film, and I like independent films. And yet it suffers more than most with its limitations - it has no pace, and the acting varies from scene to scene. Even so, the location is beautiful and well-photographed and some moments are well directed. My score is 5 out of 10.