Curse of the Blind Dead

This is a terrible movie. They even got the name wrong It is not "Knight Templars", they were "The Knights Templar" and they were NOT Satan worshipers. They worshiped God. Jacques Demolay was the last one burned at the stake.unlike what the movie says.This movie has as much credibility as the movie "Argo" which was a complete lie about the release of The Iran Hostages.

A film full of nonsense screaming almost all of the runtime.

I was drawn like a moth to a flame (or a fly to...something) to the Italian production Curse of the Blind Dead. It opens in the 14th century (presumably as the filmmakers aren't big on details) with five Templar knights preparing to sacrifice a baby. They are stopped by some villagers and the world's best Christian fighters are captured without putting up a fight. Hell, they don't even draw their swords. They are blinded and then burned at the stake. Fastforward several millenniums and the world is now recovering from a nuclear war (showcased by a big green forest). Sheriff's deputy Rick Grimes...er, Michael (Aaron Stielstra) and his daughter Lily (Alice Zanini) are wandering around aimlessly, apparently searching for "Paradise" that they hear about from a radio signal (again, I was forced to suss this info out on my own). They are attacked by some marauders and saved by followers of a religious order led by Maestro Abel (Bill Hutchens). Of course, cinema law dictates any benevolent group is really looking to kill you and sure enough Abel wants to do the whole baby sacrificing ceremony again for the now zombified Knights Templar. Wait? How are these guys back? No idea. They just are because "the ancient prophecy" says so.

The sightless Knights Templar zombies that graced Amando de Ossorio's four Spanish films have always been one of the more unique takes on the undead subgenre. So much so that I thought the concept would be great for a revisit. But this ain't it. I am always baffled how films like this exist. How do you get through writing a script, scouting locations, assembling a crew and cast and then deliver something so flat? To quote the paramedic from Return of the Living Dead (1985), this thing has "no blood pressure, no pulse." It is so maddeningly boring that I almost wanted to pluck out my own eyes. It is the kind of film where nearly everyone in the post-apoc world has normal clothes and nice haircuts with trimmed beards. The kind of film where a guy gruesomely severs his own thumb to get out of some handcuffs and then it doesn't bother him after that. The kind of film that casts Italian action legend Fabio Testi and gives him one line. The kind of film where the director has a POV shot for one of the blind zombies (he will probably say he was trying to convey their "hearing" sight, but I ain't buying that, chief). There is some gore but I swear the masks for the blind dead guys are just refurbished Darkman masks. This feature opens with the Uncork'd logo and, honestly, that is the perfect home for something like this dreck. The only remotely interesting thing about this film is now I will spend the next few days wondering if this was better or worse than the Blind Dead knockoff that had a Knight having sex with a busty blonde on the cover.

Horror of the Zombies can now hold its head up high and forever cast away the shackles of being regarded as the worse Blind Dead movie.

Heck even 2009's Graveyard of the Dead/Erotic Nights of the Blind Dead felt more in keeping with the original series than this abysmal Walking Dead wannabe. The Knights Templar take forever to show up (sidelined in favour of uninteresting characters bickering amongst themselves) then when they do almost everything about their 'look' has been altered from the De Ossorio originals ('natch not for the better). They are also largely written out of the last ten minutes of the film, taking a backseat to what is obviously an attempt at building a franchise and setting up further sequels. It seems not even the blind dead are immune from the curse of 2020.

Due out on UK DVD next month (you have been warned) as 'The Curse of the Knight Templar'. They seem to be dropping the whole 'blind dead' angle for the UK, in favour of selling it as a historic adventure to the Games of Thrones crowd ...ignoring the small matter of this being a post-Apocalyptic movie!!

So what was this supposed to be? A tribute to the 1972 "Tombs of the Blind Dead" movei? A tribute? A sequel? A stand-alone movie with only the shared title?

Regardless of its intention, the 2020 movie "Curse of the Blind Dead" was not really an outstanding movie. Especially since it was lacking a proper storyline. The plot and script was so weak that you could easily leave the movie for a prolonged time - say a bathroom break, snack break, etc. - and come back later and not have been missing out on anything vital to the storyline. Because there simply was nothing vital to the storyline.

Director Raffaele Picchio just shambled through the storyline at an incredibly slow pace, which really didn't do much to spruce up the overall enjoyment of the movie. In fact, the slow pacing was just helping to make the movie all the more unbearable to sit through.

However, I managed to do that, sit through the entire movie. But trust me, I was by no means entertained here. But still, being a zombiesque movie, of course I sat through the movie to the end.

I will say that while the movie was just plain boring, then "Curse of the Blind Dead" actually had adequate effects, both for the templar zombies and for the blood and gore. And that, at least, counted for something, but it just couldn't make up for the shortcomings on an improper storyline and script.

The acting in the movie was adequate, taking into consideration the total lack of proper characters, script and dialogue.

All in all, there really is no reason for bothering sitting down to watch the 2020 "Curse of the Blind Dead" movie. I am rating it a generous three out of ten stars, and that is solely based on the blood, gore and special effects.