Charlotte

I don't normally write reviews but I was compelled with this one. This movie is about a doll who holds hostage and tortures a teen babysitter, forcing her to watch an anthology of movies whilst being tied up. The acting throughout is so bad and none of the stories make any sense? I kept watching hoping they would tie together somehow, but instead I realised sadly it's time I'll never get back. Instead I was left scratching my head in bemusement and wishing I'd watched paint dry instead!

This is a very very special movie. I am a fan of bad movies. Like most fans of bad movies I know that there is a scale of quality, it starts at genuinely good, then just bad, and then finally so bad that it is good. This movie never even flirted with being good, it skipped past being just bad, and somehow attained a whole new level that I was unaware of until now. So bad that it causes an existential crises.

I watched this with my GF, who is also a fan of bad movies, and all that she could say afterward was "That movie really challenged my psyche."

I would have to agree.

About halfway through watching the movie I found myself floating a few feet above my body, watching myself watch Charlotte. I then had an out of body experience, out of that out of body experience, where I watched myself, watching myself watch Charlotte. This cycle continued until my mind completely shattered. I do believe that my mental state is irreparably damaged by this movie, the bright side being that I believe I can now qualify for disability, although I worry that having seen Charlotte may count as a pre-existing condition.

The one brightside to this movie is that it did restore my faith in God, because this can only be the result of divine retribution for our sins.

This movie was sooo bad! Like honestly it was the longest twenty three minutes of my life! Let's take 15- 20 people who I don't know from eve and throw into a movie and give them short stories that make no sense. At first the stories were funny and your like oh cool this is like "tales from the crypt" or "tales from the hood" ok cool! NOPE! WRONG! Then after a few laughs you wonder if the movie is close to ending and it's not!? Then your like "what's going on here?!" You want to stop watching, but you pray for a better story there isn't one to be seen just trash stacked on top of more trash. Don't pay to see this please don't! The first 5 minutes were fun, but after that you're so over it!

Instead of using my time on this earth explaining why this movie should be skipped, I will oped in for telling you things, that you as a person can do in the same amount of time.

Cooking is a good trade to have, if you can make a good meal it will impress most guests you have over for the evening; one such dish that will woo people is ratatouille. This dish takes about one and one half hour to make, 45 minutes to prepare and 45 minutes to cook in the oven. If pulled off correctly, this is a meal that can turn even the most hardened of souls to an old softy.

Spending one hour and 30 minutes deep cleaning your house can and will feel gratifying. Not only because you now will live in a nice clean house, but because you will only have to spend just twenty minutes a week keeping it clean after its first deep clean.

Finally, watch two episodes of your favorite show, it will make you feel infinitely better about yourself than watching this movie.

There are child actors you don't want to hit with an iron. This movie doesn't have any of them.