Lara Croft: Tomb Raider/Sexy Beast/Songcatcher

Richard Roeper - Host: "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" started as an interactive video game, and it's too bad it's not an interactive movie, as I would've appreciated having the chance to use a fast forward button, or maybe even a delete key. Instead, I had to sit there and take it as I was pummeled by pointless action scenes, driven to distraction by the convoluted storyline, and knocked senseless by the deadpan performances. Didn't these people know they were making a silly action romp? They're all as serious as if they were playing a chess match with death. The only laughs here are unintentional, as when a multi-armed Hindu statue comes to life and just sort of clomps after Lara. I've seen more convincing monsters constructed from Legos.

Roger Ebert - Host: I LIKED this movie!

Richard Roeper - Host: You did NOT like this movie.

Roger Ebert - Host: Yes. It is my job, it is my job...

Richard Roeper - Host: You are NOT recommending this movie.

Roger Ebert - Host: Please- I'm talking now. It is my job as an experienced movie critic to be able to tell good trash from bad trash. There is a difference between this movie and "The Mummy Returns". This is a much better movie than "The Mummy Returns". It was entertaining to me on a visual level. I especially loved all of the set pieces, including that model of the globe at the end where she's climbing around on the different kinds of arms. I loved the look of that movie, I love the art design of the movie, the set decoration of the movie, the special effects of the movie. I love the whole idea that she was kind of deadpan in the face of these extraordinary events that would've had any other actress giggling. It's a monumentally goofy film and I liked it, and I embraced it on that level.

Richard Roeper - Host: Are we still talking about "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider"?

Roger Ebert - Host: Yes, that's the one. That's the very one.

Richard Roeper - Host: I thought, if anything, it looked even worse than "The Mummy Returns". The sets were even more artificial-looking...

Roger Ebert - Host: But that's OKAY!

Richard Roeper - Host: ...All this hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo about stopping time had no end to it...

Roger Ebert - Host: ALL sets are artificial by definition! The more artificial, the better! The weirder, the better! I mean, I'm not looking for realism when I go to "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider". I'm looking for gargantuan, implausible, peculiar weirdness.

Richard Roeper - Host: So when she's jumping around on these bungee cords...

Roger Ebert - Host: Yeah.

Richard Roeper - Host: And doing battle...

Roger Ebert - Host: That was a great scene.

Richard Roeper - Host: ...With robots...

Roger Ebert - Host: Oh, the bungee cord, yeah.

Richard Roeper - Host: ...For no reason whatsoever, or when these intruders come in and all they really had to do was get this one thing, but they have these pointless action scenes set to a rock and roll soundtrack, you're defending all that?

Roger Ebert - Host: [laughing] Yes! I am! I defended it, and I liked it! I was grinning all the way through it!

Richard Roeper - Host: Wow, I must've gone to a different refreshment stand than you did when we saw this movie.

Roger Ebert - Host: There was NO refreshment stand when we saw this movie.

Richard Roeper - Host: Okay.