Empire Queen: The Golden Age of Magic

Three middle-aged adventurers attempt to restore magic to a kingdom overtaken by an evil queen. All of the usual tropes are put out for display here, as well as the typical fantasy characters. Our leads do indeed resemble a cast of retired porn actors attempting an epic fantasy production after attending a Shakespeare in the Park vocal workship. I think it's trying for Princess Bride, but the cast's ability to provide character for their characters falls very far short of actors like Carol Kane and Wallace Shawn. Plus, the Princess is a tart- all fur cloak and no knickers, painted up like a hotel barfly. The dialogue as written is often genuinely funny and would've brought a few good laughs in the hands of actors not struggling with their delivery and talent. Bit parts like the potions merchant come to mind- there are so many ways to play this, and anyone with decent chops could begin their lines and the scene would become a full meal, but all we get from this is dry toast. Everyone in the film recites their lines like it's a first rehearsal, which might be the case. Only the archetypical Evil Queen is played with any pomp and romp, and I should call her out as an exception. She gets a line at the end of the film ("...enough sisters") and delivers it marvelously. Otherwise, this whole thing is a waste of time; although, I admit that I skipped the first 30 minutes based on another review here; watched about 20 minutes in slackjawed disbelief that something so bad can get this kind of distribution deal; wandered in and out of the room as it played while I made dinner and watched the sunset, and then tuned back in conistently for the final 45ish minutes. At 2.5 hours, this movie is... well, it's 2.5 hours too long because it simply is a waste of time. Look elsewhere, anywhere else.

I laughed out loud at this movie but from the wrong reasons. It was like watching a really bad porn movie with the porn erased, horrible acting and actors.

Think the story is about an evil queen, good witch, noble but stupid knight, a hustler and seafarer. All looking for a map that reveals a powerful treasure or something. Their path is sprinkled with totally pointless small storys about drpping rocks and such.

All girls wearing full make-up, fake eye lashes and push-up bras allover in all scenes even on the run in the forest for days.

Poor directing with non stop music throghout the whole movie, non stop.

Some okay effects for magic, dragons. And some really bad effects, spirit, shrinken troll etc. Even for beeing a low budget movie.

Costumes and weapons look a bit masquerade, to well polished, vibrant and plastic.

Don't know where to start with this.

I love a campy fantasy as much as the next man, but this is just a bit pants.

The acting. Wooden, but not wooden in an over played kind of way, it's just, well.. it's wooden.

Think a porn film, & you're close. Some of the actors & actresses look like any second they're going to "whip out my magic wand", if you get what I mean.

The sound is also, haha, wooden. As if recorded within a shed. There's a bit of an echo, bit of background noise. It's just not ever so clear. Some of the sound is also off, not matching up with the actions.

The backgrounds. Not gonna believe this, but it looks wooden. A mass of CGI for interior shots. Looks okay, but looks very flat.

Me & the missus managed about half a painful hour of this before giving up.

I'm giving it a FOUR as it's a good attempt.

I wanted to like it, I wanted it to be not too serious.

It's not for me...

Empire Queen was recommended to us by Prime Video analytics. -Thanks Amazon. Had honestly never heard of it before, but we were very surprised.

At a time when the world is getting so depressing, and turning on the TV NEWS should only be done at your own risk, it was refreshing to find a film that made us all feel good, laugh, and believe that miracles can happen.

I Read that the idea for the movie came from a music video. Have not seen that yet, but will have to look that up. I especially enjoyed the balance of humor, magic,and drama. The actors were all new to me, but that seems to happen more and more these days. All the leads were good and believable. Liked the masked villain, and the lead Actress... plus the music is fantastic

If you want an enjoyable distraction from our troubled times, I am happy to recommend this film. - It's well worth the watch.

This is one of the worst films ever made. Every possible aspect, acting, cinematography, sfx, and especially writing are terrible to an almost Ed Woods level. Do not watch this. The "filmmakers" should feel shame for this. This is not a film, this is two and a half hours of incompetence.

The actors don't seem to understand what emotions are, probably because they are too focused on maintaining their atrocious "fantasy" accents. The costumes range from "bought at a ren fair" to "bought at a spirit halloween". The plot, if it can be called that, consists of a ten-minute opening crawl and then several hours of the characters walking and telling each other backstories.

The special effects are 100% plugins purchased from an asset store, and never correlate to what happening on-screen, or to what the actors are doing. At least half an hour of footage is dedicated to random women that the directors wanted to ogle. Every location or scene has two to three names that are basically gibberish.

In short, I feel strongly that this an insult the concept of filmmaking.