Three middle-aged adventurers attempt to restore magic to a kingdom overtaken by an evil queen. All of the usual tropes are put out for display here, as well as the typical fantasy characters. Our leads do indeed resemble a cast of retired porn actors attempting an epic fantasy production after attending a Shakespeare in the Park vocal workship. I think it's trying for Princess Bride, but the cast's ability to provide character for their characters falls very far short of actors like Carol Kane and Wallace Shawn. Plus, the Princess is a tart- all fur cloak and no knickers, painted up like a hotel barfly. The dialogue as written is often genuinely funny and would've brought a few good laughs in the hands of actors not struggling with their delivery and talent. Bit parts like the potions merchant come to mind- there are so many ways to play this, and anyone with decent chops could begin their lines and the scene would become a full meal, but all we get from this is dry toast. Everyone in the film recites their lines like it's a first rehearsal, which might be the case. Only the archetypical Evil Queen is played with any pomp and romp, and I should call her out as an exception. She gets a line at the end of the film ("...enough sisters") and delivers it marvelously. Otherwise, this whole thing is a waste of time; although, I admit that I skipped the first 30 minutes based on another review here; watched about 20 minutes in slackjawed disbelief that something so bad can get this kind of distribution deal; wandered in and out of the room as it played while I made dinner and watched the sunset, and then tuned back in conistently for the final 45ish minutes. At 2.5 hours, this movie is... well, it's 2.5 hours too long because it simply is a waste of time. Look elsewhere, anywhere else.
