Disney's live-action Snow White is finally here, and after watching it, I can confidently say that the Magic Mirror needs a new prescription. This movie is less "fairest of them all" and more "fairest at failing upwards." If you ever wondered what it would look like if someone took the classic 1937 animated masterpiece, ran it through a corporate buzzword generator, and then tossed in some awkward CGI for good measure-congratulations, you've found your answer!
A Princess with a Personality (Kind Of?)
Rachel Zegler takes on the role of Snow White, though you'd be forgiven for thinking she was actually playing a medieval TED Talk speaker. Instead of the wide-eyed, kind-hearted princess we all knew, this Snow White is a Strong Independent Woman™-because saying "I want to be a queen, not a bride" apparently counts as character development these days. That's right, folks, forget charming dwarfs, woodland creatures, or actual chemistry with anyone; this Snow White has dreams, and she's here to remind you about them every five minutes.
But despite all that, her biggest challenge in the movie isn't even the Evil Queen-it's keeping the audience awake.
Gal Gadot: Evil Queen or Instagram Influencer?
Now, let's talk about Gal Gadot's Evil Queen. You'd think that playing a narcissistic, beauty-obsessed villain would be an easy fit for Hollywood, but somehow, even with all the pouting, dress-swishing, and over-the-top glowering, she ends up about as menacing as a fashion blogger with a bad attitude.
Her obsession with being "the fairest of them all" is laughable when you realize that, well... she already is the fairest of them all. No offense to Snow White, but if the mirror told me that Gal Gadot wasn't the hottest person in the kingdom, I'd be smashing that thing to pieces too. The real villain here is the mirror's manufacturer.
The Dwarfs: Now with 90% Less Dwarfs!
Ah yes, the seven dwarfs-except, surprise! They're not really dwarfs anymore. Instead, we get a diverse group of CGI-enhanced "magical creatures" who look like they were rejected from The Lord of the Rings for being too unsettling. Imagine if a bunch of carnival performers got stuck in a blender with bad CGI, and you've got these guys.
Their role in the movie? Mostly to exist, deliver unfunny one-liners, and make you wonder if we should start a petition to bring back actual actors instead of whatever motion-capture madness this is. If I wanted to spend two hours looking at weirdly animated characters, I'd just play a bad video game.
The Apple Fiasco
We all know the story: Evil Queen poisons apple, Snow White eats apple, Snow White falls into a death nap, and then a prince shows up to wake her with true love's kiss. Simple, right? Nope. Not in this version.
Instead, we get a long, drawn-out scene where Snow White almost eats the apple, but then stops to give another speech about believing in yourself or some nonsense. And when she does finally bite it, the whole moment is ruined by some weird slow-motion effects that make it look like an overly dramatic shampoo commercial.
Honestly, I was rooting for the apple at that point. Maybe if she stayed in an enchanted coma, we'd all be spared another unnecessary Disney remake.
Final Verdict: The Fairest Disaster of Them All
This movie is what happens when you take a beloved classic, strip away everything that made it charming, and replace it with corporate-approved "modernization" that pleases no one. It's a film that wants to be empowering, but instead feels like a checklist of forced inclusivity and soulless spectacle.
Snow White (2025) is proof that sometimes, it's better to leave well enough alone. If you're looking for magic, wonder, and nostalgia, just rewatch the 1937 version. If you're looking for two hours of your life you'll never get back, then by all means, go ahead and buy a ticket.
