Escape from Cannibal Farm

You only need the first five minutes to experience that uproar.

The sooner these characters all die horribly, the better.

The only half decent one was the crazy old coot by the side of the road.

Which is a standard horror cliche, and even then they messed it up :(

Utterly irritating waste of time.

P.s. "Does this review contain spoilers?" Hahaha no - nothing I say could spoil this any more than it is already.

So I've heard about this film for a while and finally found the time to sit down and watch.

Was I in for a treat!

The only way to describe Cannibal Farm is thus.

It's like The League of Gentlemen decided to write a comedy horror script, realised that it wasn't that good, threw the script in the bin and it was picked up by a GCSE drama student who ignored the comedy elements and focused on the horror.

The dialogue is ropey as hell and delivered with more ham than a Percy Pig advertising campaign.

My favourite line in the whole film goes to:

'You'll have to cut off your feet and find the keys, it's the only way'

Yep, this gives you the idea of the type of thing you'll be watching. I'm assuming the director did his auditions at a local village hall during the Okehampton players amateur dramatics societies production of Puss in Boots.

The gore is passable and not as frequent as you might expect with a film of this title.

Clocking in at 1 hour 40, it does drag and you'll be clock watching during the last 30 minutes.

The only positive I will mention is the writers attempt at a few plot twists. As ambitious as they were, ultimately you just don't particularly care. In case you haven't already assumed (considering the villain is a face wearing chainsaw wielding madman) the film takes inspiration from Tobe Hooper's classic 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'.

Not so much a homage as the end result is a cross between 'Hot Fuzz'and 'The Room'.

Cannibal Farm is definitely a misleading title and the writer should've settled with 'Carry on Cannibal'.

Would I recommend watching it?...for the comedy value, definitely, however don't go into it thinking this will be a good piece of horror. If that's what you're after you're best sticking with Tobe Hooper's ground breaking masterpiece.

Cannibal Farm, where do I even begin? Let's start with the fact that I watch 2 films daily and have been doing so for years. The only time I write online reviews is when I want to warn would-be viewers just how God-awful a movie is before they waste their time (or worse, money) on it. This is only the second time I've ever had to do this. Enough said, right? In occasional attempts at competence, the film sloppily copy/pastes ideas from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Saw, and even House of 1000 Corpses, before launching into cringe-worthy, ear-grating monologues by characters that might as well be too drunk to be able to put together anything resembling cohesive plot clues in this nearly 2-hour cringe fest, but I digress. This movie is so bad that to do a truly in-depth review of it would be an insult to higher thought itself. The films deserves only the requisite amount of frontal lobe activity necessary to ensure intelligent viewers steer clear of it, and nothing more, so, STEER CLEAR! You have been warned.

This is the most laughably horrible movies I have ever seen. The writing is terrible, the acting is atrocious, and there are plot holes a mile wide. It is a bit like watching an overacted high school play in high definition.