Kingdom of the Northmen: Les guerriers damnés

This story of supernatural tree shaped men attacking a motley group of people in the middle ages has the look of a story with too many cooks spoiling the broth.

There were just too many characters who had superiority complexes, and the ones who would have the superiority complexes had the opposite.

The monks are depicted as ridiculous middle ages version of Frank Burns, and the other characters are just as one dimensional.

On the bright side, as contrived as it is, there is a bit of non contrived fates. A bit of "let the cards fall where they fall" look, instead of a deliberated goal appearance.

The biggest problem is "character". These characters all look like they were written by or for certain actors, which was probably the intention, but it looks too obvious. Way too many are too Hollywood, and few make sense for the era. For instance, the monks are depicted as cowardly weak mercenaries, when in fact the monks of the era could either be weak or mercenary, but couldn't be both.

There were too many Hollywood characters for the movie, too. Had it been a mini series, maybe it would work, although the characters were so standard and Hollywood that it would only work for the geekiest people.

More ridiculous was the woman who never ran out of arrows. I don't know where the arrows all were. They just appeared out of the air. I guess they dropped from the ceiling. Probably from an elaborate mechanism she devised that dropped three arrows every ten minutes.

!BUYER BEWARE!

This is NOT a serious film, DO NOT believe the marketing into thinking this movie is about vikings or the famous siege of Paris in 845, this film is pure fictional and quite frankly bananas!

Luckily I do like a low budget movie from time to time, 'Viking Siege' must be one of the cheapest produced movies out there! I do believe this perhaps to be intentional by the developers among with the sheer amounts of ham passed around the actors, super cheap special effects which boils down to ketchup 'everywhere' with surprisingly a half decent soundtrack.

SO why is this film called Viking Siege? Where is the sieging?

I did enjoy it to be fair, some odd pacing issues toward the middle but I had fun with it. Leave your expectations at the door and you should be able to get through this, this is not for the serious of heart out there, I repeat this film does NOT take itself seriously.

5/10 Oodles that could be improved but a forgivable attempt for a first time director. Less ham next time, ok?

Seen far worse film's. But in the end I was a fast forward through the weak 'story'! Until something happened. I have given it two points 1. for the hot women and 2. the gore effect ...... Which were better than usual film of this budget. (Although they do become very repetitive) ......acting wasn't that terrible. But I'd say avoid by keep an eye out for the woman who did all the effects in the film. Potential. (no.......she's not my wife ha ha)

First of all, I got to wondering why a coven of evil monks would abduct most everyone in a village except for the 19-20 year old babes in leather bra armor. And then it occurred to me that the reason was they did not want to get skewered and shishkabobbed.

The gals all had athletical bods, so I figured they must be gymnists and such, but there are three stunt women listed in the credits, so I guess they did most of the body slams, flips and so on, not the athletical looking actresses

Most of the movie was done in one large room, but U don't really notice this because of the sword fights, fist fights, monster fights, explosions, ninjitsu etc.

Despite what some of the reviews say, the acting is pretty good, good enough to make me think the makers of this movie held auditions, or at least insisted the actos have experience in acting from somewhere. A few of the fight scenes were grusome, and every babe in leather bra armor was worth any 2-3 bad guys, if not more.

The movie really isn't meant to be a comedy, the acting is serious, but when a viewer starts thinking about the movie, U can't help but do some chuckling.

I think this whole crew given a budget and a well thought out script would turn out a decent kick ass movie.

The movie was made in Wales, and I think any guy who likes action movies will enjoy this. Gals will probably be put off by it, but with that being said, seeing young women taking down corrupt monks (some fight back viciously), taking on killer zombie like tree monsters, and going face to face with norsemen may just appeal to some modern female viewers.

The death scenes with blood spewing out of mouths kind of got old, and I started wondering where the primary female protagonist was getting all her bolts from, but I guess if a standard hollywood shoot em up can have a pistol that shoots 80 times w/o reloading, then Wales can have their miniature bolt thrower w/ bolts appearing out of thin air by god. There was no flying around in the fight scenes, so it definitely is a step up from 99 % of all asian sword fight movies.

Got no idea why it is called "viking siege", but I would not be able to think of a name for this movie, guess the makers of it couldn't either.

The acting is what you would expect from an 8th grade Christmas play.

The cinematography reminds me of a video off of a iPhone....4s

Poor script, bad writing overall, and an acting class that would do better bagging groceries, makes for a really bad viewing. I find UK TV shows to be superior to US TV shows in nearly every aspect. The same cannot be said for nearly all of the UKs theatrical releases. For every hit you have 20 duds like this one. Now, the US is jut as bad except they produce worldwide blockbusters to offset the poor films.

Want your date to breakup with you and contemplate ritual suicide? Well grab a bucket of popcorn, gallon of coke, 6lbs of candy and how you die from a diabetic coma before she finishes watching this with you, so you do not have to watch her glare of pure hatred, as she starts sepeku in front of you

And yes, I have indeed used the facilities with more drama and better CGI than this horrid film