Crone Wood

Story: 0.25/2 - Direction & Pace 0.25 & 0.25/4 - Performances 0.75/2 - Entertainment: 0.25/2

Total 1.75/10

Crone Wood - or should we say, the unholy union of The Wicker Man and The Blair Witch Project? It's a Frankenstein's monster stitched together from good intentions but lacking the surgeon's finesse. This film embodies what happens when you have a bright idea after a late-night horror movie marathon and an abundance of hubris but none of the skill to execute it.

The most glaring sin of the script is laziness. Writers nudging the protagonist along like a puppet on strings? Nothing he does is of his own free will. He's guided through the day by a woman professing love. It's insulting when, at the ritual, they proclaim he's done all of this out of his own free will. It smacks of lackadaisical structuring.

Now, let's talk about the missing village kids. The premise orbits around the Green Man and the Witches trying to perpetuate their community with little ones, yet the playgrounds are empty. Someone forgot to hire child actors, maybe? When the Green Man boasts of a job well done, I'd contest that, given the lack of pitter-pattering ankle-biters echoing through those woods - though it was a commendable premise.

Supposed amateur enthusiasts capture the story on their handheld video cameras. It's a choice as perplexing as it is agonizing. A directorial preference to showcase bad filmmaking as intentional is as bold as it is misguided. It's almost like they said, "Why bother with second takes? Let's throw it together and call it avant-garde!" Embracing the warts-and-all approach to filmmaking might've been novel if it didn't feel like watching someone's terrible home videos - and not the heartwarming kind, mind you. Most amateur filmmakers would sooner poke out their eyes than release something resembling this mess. Scenes drag like a tortoise with a limp, and the pace is non-existent. Brace yourself for boredom with a side of frustration.

The performances deserve a reluctant golf clap - they exist, albeit in the murky depths of mediocrity. The cast seems to have had a jolly time rambling through the woods. Alas, the joy doesn't translate to the screen.

"Stay Away! Don't Watch!" Please consider this the most earnest advice I can dispense. Your time is precious - Don't fling it haphazardly into Crone Wood's profound abyss. Mercifully spare yourself and revisit The Wicker Man; it's a masterclass when justly compared to this horror misfire.

I was (again) fooled into watching this movie after not noticing only 4 people had reviewed it, hence the positive grade. It's simply terrible.

Boy meets girl and she challenges him into spending a night in the woods. Their chemistry is great, the acting is very genuine and I felt really curious about what expected them in Crone Wood.

The mood is reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project and, even if I don't particularly like found-footage, they pull it off reasonably. But as soon as we understand what's going on, the movie takes a turn for the worse.

The performances of every actor other that the main two are terrible. The explanation to what's going on is interesting enough, but it's no different that another very famous horror movie which is a hundred times better than this one. The whole thing get's too ridiculous to watch on the final 10 minutes and the ending is equally stupid.

I am annoyed to have spent yet another hour and a half watching a poor movie, indie or not, I don't care, you just can't make a bad movie and call it indie to make it look better. Don't waste your time on this, go watch something, anything else.

And to be fair they did well with what little budget there is.

Lots of hot Irish ladies and some quite icky scenes - the one with the girl sticking her finger up and licking was quite a yuck upchuck moment and the acting is more competent than most of the stalk and slash college student horror fair coming out of US film studios in the last few years and being Scottish I am biased for my kindred Irish brothers and sisters and their unique style!

This is definitely a film for the feminists and although it does not have much in the way of actual horror and has none of the pervading creepiness of the real Wicker Man and the ending is rather disappointing, it is a valiant effort so gets a fair 4/10 hatchets from me!

A few times during the movie I forgot it was an indie production and began to critic it too aggressively. A really solid production for a small budget movie. The cast were very convincing, and acted to a high standard. A fun watch, and a good contribution to the horror genre. Your review does not contain enough lines - the minimum length for reviews is 5 lines of text. Stupid rule!

I'm a big fan of found footage films, but a lot of it is absolute crap. I saw that this was streaming on Prime, and the review on the cover that compared it to a cross between The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man interested me.

I quite liked this movie.

Two people who hardly know each other go off on a camping trip together. Weird things start happening and there are strange people in the woods. I can't really say much else, but I'd encourage you to give it a go if you are a fan of horror, especially found footage and folk horror.

Although I did think parts were a bit predictable, I was watching it and towards the end I had absolutely no idea how it was going to end.

It really kept my interest the entire time.