The Doll

This was a laughable movie, hands down. This movie was horrible. Just horrible.

And I actually knew that beforehand sitting down to watch it. I mean, a movie with someone as shallow as Valeria Lukyanova, being made famous for being mentally unbalanced enough to thinking she can be a doll, just doesn't really make for much of a foundation of a solid movie. And then of course, with the likes of Ron Jeremy on the support role list, nah...

Granted, I will say that the idea of the movie was interesting and definitely had some aspects to the storyline that had potential. Lots of untapped potential here actually, because Valeria Lukyanova was about as talented as a glass of still water, and also writer / director Susannah O'Brien just had so little to work with here, by her own hand mind you.

But in a way, I suppose the utter lack of acting talent and the fact that someone can build a career on being unstable enough to thinking one is a doll served the movie in a way. Because the lack of acting skills, emotions, facial expressions, or anything definitely helped to portray Valeria Lukyanova as a golem - a doll of sorts. But it was most definitely also an anchor around the movie, dragging it down, because it quickly became unappealing and downright annoying to look at her fishy-dead expression for prolonged extends of time.

Some of the scenes were actually constructed nicely enough, but were just washed away by a horrible script and even worse acting performances. Mind you, not all were terrible here, I am not generalizing that much. But Lukyanova and Jeremy were just like thorns in your eyes.

I am sure that hardcore fans of Valeria Lukyanova will find some enjoyment in this movie. But come on, let's just face facts, being a fan of hers is admittance to being fascinated with narcissism and being a "fan" of her solely for her outer appearance.

I can't claim to have had any hopes for the 2017 movie "The Doll", so I weren't disappointed. This was a movie that came and went without even as much as a single raised voice or anything. I am rating this movie two out of ten stars, solely because it didn't have that unfathomable low budget movie presentation to it. At least they put some effort into the production value.

Absolutely do not waste your time on this one. I repeat, you have one life and it will be misspent watching this. There are more holes in the plot than fishnet pantyhose. The "editing" is laughably atrocious, worse than a made for tv streaming film.Ron Jeremy appears as a pimp, says a few lines and is gone within seconds, it"s only a cameo so why is he even mentioned as a lead? I give 2 stars because of Valeria, she did give a convincing performance of something not quite human and was quite creepy. I also love the layout of the home. In the first quarter of the movie there's pornography, females in g-strings bent over and wide and the camera was not shy nor stylish. 15 year old boys will have the scene on auto-replay and might injure themselves. Skip this one.

This movie is for you if you like birds taking a dump on your ice cream cone.

You know when you read reviews of movies and you're like, "okay, it can't really be THAT bad..."?

Welllll folks, this one is THAT bad. Horrible acting from literally the entire cast. The audio is terrible, there are small noises throughout the entire movie that shouldn't be there (i.e. Microphones rubbing things) the audio is off between different scenes and cast members. The writing is so awful and unbelievable. There are so many plot holes. Jumps and weird gaps in scenes that don't make sense. The makeup and special effects are insanely awful.

You should assume anyone who is rating this movie more than 2 stars is trolling you.

Don't waste your time.

A "horror" movie with almost no scares and actors that can barely even make their enjoyment at making out with attractive women believable. Watched it for "free" with a relative's Amazon Prime and still felt ripped off. At least most low budget horror movies try to make up for it by throwing a couple buckets of blood around, but there is not a ton gore in this movie. And what there is is not terribly well done. The titular "doll" spends most of the movie creepily staring, creepily rocking in a rocking chair or creepily and gently bonking her head against walls, windows, etc. Not exactly what nightmares are made of. At least the various actors/characters are so annoying and unlikeable that you are glad when they're killed off. The plot, of course, is thinner than tissue paper and with no redeeming factors to elevate it in any way. 2 rating for the audacity of the director to actually get people to cough up money to make this turkey. Please don't waste your time.

(And yeah....the director doesn't even go the distance to make the pentagrams correctly)