Manos Returns

Watched this last night finally. They tried way too hard to replicate everything that gave the original its charm. Everything bad felt way too forced, like they were aiming for it to be bad. The original was a guy who wanted to make a movie but ended up bombing in every way. This one is just boring and it feels more like a Sharknado sequel.

On their way to a "luxury resort" for their vacation, four friends wind up at an innocent-looking, yet sinister abode. Intentional horror and unintentional humor ensue (and vice versa).

MANOS RETURNS ends decades of waiting for followers of the original film, while helping to get us caught up with the main characters. Debbie (Jackey Neyman Jones) is all grown up now, and filled with demonic darkness. The Master (Tom Neyman) remains the pinnacle of pure eeevil personified. Yes, he's rockin' the hand-robe and glaring into our very souls. Torgo (Steven Shields) still wobbles along like the malevolent, bow-legged menace he is, wearing his over-sized jacket, and a mattress stuffed into each pant leg. The Brides are back as well. Their odd nightwear has been updated a bit, and they giggle a lot more. They also eat bugs.

Recapturing the magic of the first film is no small task, but this movie has done it! It's a treat to see Ms. Neyman Jones and Mr. Neyman reprising their infamous roles, and Diane Adelson returning as Margaret / Maggie, Debbie's harried mum! And, for reasons unknown, Don Dohler regular, George Stover is in this movie reading an invisible magazine!

Watch this right this minute!...

There is a reason why the original Manos is loved by so many people: it's so bad it's fun. The original Manos is a movie by a man who tried his best to make a good movie, but had zero talent, and, thus, failed miserably. This is something that cannot be copied, or intentionally made. So, any remake of or sequel to such a movie will not have the same charm and appeal as the original. The original Manos is bad, yet never boring. It's VERY entertaining, because, in sheer disbelief, the viewer wonders how on Earth it's possible that a movie ends up becoming that bad! There is something cute about that. The original Manos really is an unintentional piece of art! Not so with Manos Returns. It's just plain bad, that is, boring. I praise the effort of these people for trying to, somehow, revive Manos. Maybe it's a tribute. I feel a bit sorry that I am writing a negative review, but I'm just being honest. I think some things should be left untouched. Manos the Hands of Fate is one of them.

Heading out of town on vacation, a group of friends decides to visit a luxury spa but get lost on the way winding up at a weird resort that they learn is the home to a bizarre cult looking to indoctrinate more members and must find a way to stop their nefarious plans.

This one proved to be quite a fun sequel. One of the better elements here is the manner in which they play off the original which has some rather enjoyable features here. That comes from the group on a vacation stumbling across the secret location of the compound, the creepy members of the cult hanging around in their compound and the bizarre dialog they spout which presents them like they're in their own universe separate from the others, everything here creates a highly unorthodox atmosphere which is highly engaging and hypnotic. This is only enhanced by the wholly off-beat energy here featuring the series of encounters involving the female cult members appearing to the different members of the group and tempting them through visions of their bodies or just plain bizarre antics. That leads incredibly well into the finale where the group's separate and distinct plan finds a purpose as it starts in on the ritual scene where it's all incredibly well-done and has a lot to like. Again playing well with the idea of their unusual indictment ritual and other occult antics that provide some fine gore here as they dismember the body in graphic fashion. While that does lead to a bit of a struggle for this one to get going as the bizarre behavior exhibited is the main thing going on here those who aren't into the kooky scenarios might find it full and uneventful until then. As well, the rushed finale manages to be somewhat confusing with how it all plays out with some conflicting concepts and ideas that don't have time to be spelled out properly, these are the few flaws here.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence and Language.

This movie put me to sleep in a matter of minutes. The plot is bland and the same as the first Manos, the writing is below mediocre and the acting is terrible. The movie cuts are slow and boring and half the characters seem just as clueless as the writers. I will admit however, this one was better than the first which isn't saying much. What the writer's main goal here is beyond me but I will say this: if your value your time do not waste it on this movie.