Pitchfork

just so you know i love horror movies. i really do,but when you make a movie about a killer that has slim Jim pitch fork fingers for hands. you begin to question the crap your watching as it reminds me of a really bad gwar band that had a bad day off at Sunday camp and created a family accident. this was a cheap and lazy attempt at recreating an 80's like slasher flick. this movie reminds me of some retard on a bike just screaming a bunch of monkey at people, and for some reason has a camera. yes he found this camera and decided it was a cool idea to make a horror movie about an era he knew nothing about. there is no amount of love in this movie.

everything is sloppily done. like everything was either taken in one take or for some reason decided they should cheap monkey it. every person in this film in unrelatable and basically murder trash for the guy with the slim Jim glove. the kills are crap. you know if your gonna make your film look like it was lit like and 80's movie or something out of that era. you sure got everything wrong. the colours, the overdone over done lighting. i mean it looked like i was in a very bad painting by bob Ross. it just didn't have anything. each and every dark or tense scene looked like it was made in broad daylight, and then decided it would be cooler to turn every single thing all the way up and said cool i'm OK with that. oddly enough this movie does look like it was made for 35 cents and the staff were paid in Tim Horton's coffee omg.

i didn't like anyone. you know the moment an actor looks like a Calvin Klein model but sounds like your cousins husband George. you really really really need to stop and think. why am i hear and why is my son almost exactly the same age as me. yes they dyed someones hair to makem look like they were old. each scene was full of stupidity. i give this movie four censored you's and a preztel. this movie also gets the dreadful 0 banana cream pie for being an absolute trite of a film. you clearly know nothing about creep factor. you just took every bad trope from that era, put them in odd spots that don't make sense, then for some blatantly bad lazy idea you decide it's cool to look like we're in a weird part of town that people over act in. you made every scene boring, you made every scene feel cheap and uncaring. yes everything was so over the top, the 80's felt offended.

who lit this movie. sure the concept and movie is fun, but when your advertising yourself as an intensely scary movie, with 80's tropes and ordeals. don't censor it up by not knowing what the hell your doing. man. get the look right. don't get no censored sausage hand finger man after me man. how is that scary? that's like asking me out to dinner and saying i'm the sausage man and need a bun. stop making lazy horror. i know this stuff is cool, but if your going to make horror make it right. don't turn it into a child friendly movie about a man that for some reason decides to kill cuz they came onto his property. god this movie needs to go eat at a Denny's and censor off. god. this is worse then listening to Kenny g playing his clairnet. it's just horrible. i'd rather eat pizza pizza then watch this again.

When writing a review I do try and start off with a good point if there is one: the good point about this movie is...you can turn it off and throw the DVD in the bin and prevent yourself from ever subjecting your mind to anything as awful again.

The lighting was awful, I mean really bad. You can even see lights and reflectors being moved during a shot.

The direction is non-existent. That can be the only explanation for such dire non-acting. Not one single one of the cast has any saving graces.

The editing is slapdash and random, but then that fits perfectly in with the story and everything else about this movie.

The acting is...missing! no-one acts, I could never validate their efforts by saying that they acted badly, because that's at least acting, which is more than the cast do.

It's way less horrific than a visit from the mother in law. Seriously, don't waste your time.

A man celebrating his coming out party at the family country home, is forced to do battle with a man who has a pitchfork attached to his hand with barb wire. His friends are fatally poked one by one until only a few who are left have to stick together to survive.

I was going to give this a two until I seen the ending. This film first cooks itself when we watch some country square dance routine to Honey, I'm Good. If you can endure that number they do a couple more. There is one sick scene where a woman pees in a jar and then pours it over a gaping wound in a man's head.

Nothing new at all just rehashed other films done with crap actors. Somebody just wanted to showcase some dance moves and had to come up with a film idea to do it. Avoid this one

Saw this on a dvd. The trailer was good n i was in the mood to check out some slasher film. What a rubbish n awful film this turned out to b. There were sufficient reviews on imdb warning not to see this trash but sometimes u jus dont wanna listen to good advise. The films opening scene was beautifully shot, the farms, the lush greens n those isolated houses. That was one of its good thing from its total two. We get to see a very young girl, a calvin klein model with her dog in the middle of nowhere rural side doing only the director knows what. Later v get to c a group of youngsters who all r visiting the farmhouse of their friend. Lots of hot babes but zero nudity. A sex scene without any nudity, another sex scene without anybody, jus a wagon moving. A small girl knows how to fire a gun, she knows how to tame horses n she can even do psychotherapy with the killer but she is scared of the bogeyman from the closets n under the bed. A benchmark for any good slasher is some good slashings, brutality, nudity, scream queen n a decent killer. All these r missing in this trash film. Forget about the character development, the killings r offscreen n boring, there is absolutely zero suspense n tension. The killer looked like a cartoon. Killing somebody by mistake cos of sudden pop up during hiding or chase scene is been done umpteenth number of times. The ending was kinda meh n one can easily guess. The phrase, out of the frying pan into the fire has been done so many times. The old creepy guys acting n his hand scene were good. This is the second good thing in the film. No explanation of any kind regarding the pitchfork. Mayb i didn't follow cos i forwarded some scenes to finish it.

Diet Freddy Krueger, on a tight to zero budget, gets horny and goes all Country-twang on a bunch of terrible, loathsome actors, in a horrible film with its forced plot, transition delays, faux pas reviews and lazy to extremely lethargic direction; executed poorly with a single Sony a7 camera. I guess the cast volunteered, hence we have the "Mother" hamming it all the way, towards the end.

Stay far away.

Don't get me wrong, but the acting was so bad, it seemed the cast was administered enemata before the takes and asked to hold it before they said something stupid like: "Wait a minute, what do you mean by blood?". And the film felt like director Glenn Douglas Packard shot the whole thing cleaning up after the bunch of morons couldn't 'hold it' any longer.