Hansel vs. Gretel

-Hansel Vs. Gretel (2015) movie review:

-Hansel Vs. Gretel is exactly how it sounds, down to the sci-fi original cheese. In a modern update, Hansel, who hunt witches, to track down and stop his sister Gretel after she is controlled by a witch. That is all.

-Take Frankenstein Vs. The Mummy and make it more enjoyable, dumber, and better handled with the modern update.

-So the story is pretty simple and does not try to make too much sense. At all. I feel like I already did this review about two classic storybook characters going at it for the last few minutes of the film. Goodness.

-The pace is pretty slow in the middle. Because not much happens.

-The acting is bad, but entertaining.

-The characters are cheesy, one-dimensional, and inconsistently entertaining!

-The music is not fitting and not terrible, but forgettable.

-The effects and everything that happens for them to occur are laughable.

-I'm going to just get to the point. The film, unlike Frankenstein Vs. The Mummy, does not take itself seriously and was pretty entertaining. The ending dragged on and did not make sense, but the acting, effects, and everything plot related was fun in a cult-classic cheesy kinda way. So without any more hating, I am very happy to say that after watching tons of lame films, I have finally found the first one if the year, because Hansel Vs. Gretel is…. (pause for dramatic effect)…. So bad, it's good!

-I should point out it does have some violence and a few F-words, but not a lot.

Low budget second instalment in the Hansel & Gretel rip-off franchise features gory make-up and special effects in the telling of a depraved witches coven and the witch-hunter whose dedicated his existence to their annihilation. Lots of wind and smoke machine effects coupled with the annoying over-reliance on CGI spoil what could've been an engaging supernatural horror film, the inept direct to video production values making their unwelcome presence felt just when the audience is becoming hooked.

The cast is committed to their craft here, young star Baross emerges as more than just a talented pie maker, whilst co-star Castles strongly resembles a younger Mariska Hargitay channeling Sarah Douglas' villainous 'Ursa'. Our protagonist witch-hunter hero Lydic is regularly dwarfed by his towering blood-thirsty opponents with their insatiable lust for human flesh, yet somehow manages to hold his own despite being merely mortal.

It's a TV-movie scale made on a feature length run-time, but with dialogue like 'please explain why you tore off our grandmother's head' (expletive redacted), you really can't go wrong if you're expectations are realistic.

Boresville Arizona. Ludicrous at best and downright garbage that's full of dog crap at worse. I'd give it 7 out of 987 million.

The first Hansel and Gretel asylum film in my opinion was not too shabby, but was better than this one. I expected Asylum to really put their all into this film and beat the odds, but it just seems like the movie was made from scratch. The actors performances could be much better and the script is disorganized at some points. Some points of the movie are so irrelevant and run on to the point where it gets boring. Disappointing on so many levels, and anticlimactic. Corny acting, terrible effects, sad.

Okay the movie is low budgeted obviously so I'll keep my review low budgeted too. Haha.

Acting is meh. They keep mentioning Lilith who I don't freaking who it is. Pretty faces. Music is uninspiring. And the ending is ridiculous. CGI sucks, I could do better than that on my laptop. 👎👎