Saving Christmas

Saving Christmas needed saving...and by that, I mean it should have been mercy killed. the acting is horrendous and it's story is only a reminder that anyone that paid to see it wasted their money. Even if you are a die-hard Christian, please do not see this movie, it's one of the worst movies you could ever watch ever, and considering stuff like The Room and Birdemic exists, That's saying A lot. oh, and that thing Kirk Cameron's doing to try to boost the rating on Rotten Tomatoes: Cameron, you should know the Bible verse "Thou shalt not bear false witness" it's one of the 10 commandments. That's all I have to say on this matter, Don't watch the film. I mean Seriously Cameron, you should know better.

After seeing all the negative reviews of this film, I had to check it out. I heard about Kirk Cameron's up voting campaign on Rotten Tomatoes and the ensuing backlash from atheists and so on. But I wanted to see if the film was really that bad. It is. It's really awful, probably the most awkward, uncomfortable hour of my life. Troll 2 was funny on a So-bad-it's-good level, so was The Room. But this is just painfully bad. This film aggravates me on so many levels. But I want to leave out the B.S religious side of it, there's more than enough reviews, even from Christians, attacking this film for it's head scratching Evangelical nonsense. Instead, I'd like to focus on an aspect of the film that I feel has been overlooked, the historical "facts" that Cameron pulls out of his arse. I'm a history buff, and this film made me so angry. Cameron expects us to believe that St. Nicholas got so angry with Arius that he dragged him out into the snow and beat the crap out of him with a staff! He did no such thing. As one of the bishops who signed the Nicene Creed, St. Nicholas got into an argument concerning the divinity of Christ and punched the Christian presbyter in the face.

Then there's the barking mad argument about the pagan roots of Christianity which Cameron dismisses, claiming that everything was created by God and therefore everything to do with Christmas can be traced back to God, even the Nutcracker! And on it goes... The arguments make no sense, the acting is horribly stilted and the 'comedy' is painfully bad. It's such an incoherent, rambling mess from "Crocoduck" Cameron that by the time he's dancing and doing the worm, you just have no idea what you're watching any more. Worst movie ever made in the history of motion pictures.

Every so often, a movie comes along that reminds us why drinking games were invented. This is that movie.

Three margaritas seems to be the minimum for watching this one. With that much tequila in you, you will be able to appreciate the subtle humor and profound wisdom of Kirk Camer...hmph....hmph....hmph....BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!! Sorry. I thought I could type that with a straight face. I couldn't. Must be the margaritas.

At any rate, this is a laughably bad movie that should go a long way toward torpedoing Mr. Cameron's already sinking career. And I say, fire at will!

First, let me state that in spite of the claims of Cameron and those who support him (and who have attempted to artificially raise this movie's ratings with fake profiles and fake reviews), I, as someone who hated this movie, have nothing against Christians or Christianity. Not at all. Most everyone I know and love _are_ Christians. Die-hard, conservative, dyed-in-the-wool Fox-news-loving fundamentalist Christians. And even THEY thought this movie sucked.

That Kirk tried to use religious guilt on people to have the ratings artificially inflated is just pathetic. Seriously, dude, you have a problem. You need help. Get some. :-/ My opinion of this movie is pretty much the same as the opinions of EVERYONE I know who's actually had the misfortune of deciding to give it a try. It would be pure camp if those who made it weren't being so stone-faced serious. It's patronizing, condescending, childish and just downright _bad_. And it's not the message, itself - even those I know who agree with the central point Kirk's trying to make see the movie as doing more harm than good.

As for that illicit ratings-inflating campaign, it appears to be bearing fruit. When you have a movie with overwhelmingly bad ratings (and I man REALLY bad, where most are just 1-star with, shall we say, "Nothing nice to say..."), and just a couple of profiles with 10-star ratings and glowing things to say, and ALL of those 10-star profiles were clearly just set up just to make the glowing review about just that one movie... I'm not going to outright accuse anyone of anything, but, well, it doesn't inspire confidence in their legitimacy.

I mean seriously, dude, stop it. You're not helping Christianity's image at all. In fact, you're making it worse. Even if you don't care about your own image, you should seriously give thought to how much more damage you want to do to the Christian image in the U.S. today. Or are you a closet atheist trying to destroy the "enemy" from within? Your actions are hurting far more than helping.

And I have nothing against Christianity or religion in general. If people want to be proud of their religion and remind themselves of the spin Christianity has added to the meaning of all these previously-existing traditions and holidays, that's wonderful. But this? This isn't _that_. This is just pandering, patronizing, exploiting - pure and simple.

Please, Kirk, get help.

For those of us who have watched Kirk Cameron pontificate on the wonders of the banana, or read his musings on the legitimacy of the existence of fire-breathing dragons, we know that Kirk Cameron himself is comedy gold. One might expect more hilarity from Cameron in Saving Christmas, but Cameron actually intentionally tries to build a comedy here, and the result is an unfunny, unfocused, interminable mess.

The film begins with an uncomfortable scene involving Kirk Cameron sitting in a chair, lecturing at the audience. "They don't want us to love Christmas," Cameron declares authoritatively, never bothering to define exactly who "they" are. Cameron drones on for several more minutes, and at this point in the film, I heard a kid in the back of the theater yawn loudly—perhaps an audible protest that this film would not be the exciting romp promised on the poster.

Finally, the film cuts away from Kirk Cameron, and we see several characters enjoying a Christmas party. But then we see Kirk Cameron again, the film freezes, and we hear Kirk Cameron narrating about himself: "That's me—Kirk!" More lecturing ensues.

Eventually, a character by the name of Christian (almost as clever as "Josh Wheaton"), a Christian himself, despondently finds his way to a car, apparently disillusioned by the materialism of Christmas. Enter Kirk Cameron, who enters the vehicle and does what he does best—more lecturing.

The majority of the film takes place in this car as Kirk lectures to Christian, with occasional cutaways to Biblical imagery. Cameron tries to make the case that Christmas traditions, such as celebratory trees and gifts, all somehow originated with Christianity, not paganism. (Never mind the fact that ancient paganism predates Christianity.) "Last time I checked, God created the winter solstice!" is the type of asinine reasoning you'll hear from Kirk Cameron throughout the film. Cameron's facts are both dubious and sparse, and his connections are spurious—but Christian is nevertheless invariably blown away by Kirk Cameron's apparently amazing insight.

Perhaps aware that interminable lecturing on its own would be unbearable for an audience, the film provides characters with quirky personalities in an effort to break up the tedium. In particular, we are treated to a scene back in the house of two characters rambling schizophrenically as they drink hot chocolate. It has nothing to do with Christian's story, it makes the movie feel unfocused, it goes on for far too long, and if my theater is any indication, it is not funny at all. In fact, there was dead silence in my theater throughout the entire run of this "comedy" film.

The film ends with a dance sequence that feels like it lasts ten minutes, as well as multiple, gratuitous blooper scenes—I suppose for no reason other than to pad the running time. Just when you think it's finally over, we see Kirk Cameron again, and he continues to lecture the audience—this time about how materialism is just fine, because Jesus came to us in a material body, after all.

One gets the impression that Kirk Cameron actually started reading his own Bible, was disturbed by what he found (such as Jesus' instruction to "go sell your possessions and give to the poor"), and produced this film as a desperate justification for his own hypocrisy.

At my theater, nobody laughed, and nobody stayed for the end credits. This purported comedy film fails at every level. If you're really looking for a laugh, go back and take a look at what Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort have to say about the glorious design of the banana.