Platypuschow

Plot

Cthulhu spotted in ocean

Cast

Not really applicable, another short by Mr. Friend

Verdict

Another addition to my Top 10 Short Films from 2024 list, for now anyway. No it's not mind blowing, alike most Mr. Friend shorts it's fleeting and that damages it however it can't be disputed that the finale of this is positively haunting especially for a chap like myself who suffers from a degree of thalassophobia. The loneliness of the open water, the paranoia, the fear and the blackness. Horrifying, chill inducing, though I'm not keen on how Cthulhu looked.

Rants

What is it with Cthulhu, nobody ever does him justice. Movies, video games, shows, nothing ever does the big guy all the tools to be the mind melting villain he is. Then again saying that very few manage to pull of anything even remotely Lovecraftian. Why is that? Probably best Hollywood doesn't seem to have taken note of his works, can you imagine? Yikes, doesn't bear thinking about.

The Good

Impactful Haunting finale

The Bad

Fleeting Not keen on the appearance of Cthulhu.

Plot

A group of strangers flee captivity through a deadly forest hunted by masked killers.

Cast

Not familiar with anyone involved.

Verdict

For workouts or naughty work dabbling I always have a Youtube horror movie going and Run From Hell was the most recent. I go into these things with exceptionally low expectations and these are still generally not bet especially as a large percentage are ITN movies.

Run From Hell straight out the gate shows you it's budget, and by that I mean everything looks cheap and nasty. This is damaging to any film but it's not a deal breaker.

Within moments you've figured out what's going on, what the inevitable twist is and the way it presents this is actually done horrendously bad, with naff black and white flashbacks and non-sensical exposition.

So by this point I'm frustrated, I'm also rather bored, and then the kills take place and I go back to being frustrated again as they all just look so terrible. By the time we get to the terrible finale I'm regretting my life choices and hoping these people never step behind a camera again because I do not want to see anything else they do as life is just too short.

Rants

Starting to wonder why I do it, watching these consistently dire horror movies. Then I ask myself, is it me? With each passing year I'm getting harder and harder to please. Is it simply that my expectations are too high? That I've seen it all before? That I in fact am the problem!?

Nope, these films are just awful.

The Good

Nothing springs to mind

The Bad

Looks ugly Dreadful kills Appalling plot Gets really quite boring.

Plot

Girlfriends practicing witchcraft near a WWII burial ground accidentally awaken a band of blood-thirsty Nazi Zombies.

Cast

Even the bottom tier ITN girls are on display here as we see Julia Quayle and Tash Chant who look far too old for the intended roles.

Verdict

I'd consider myself an ITN movie veteran, at this stage there aren't many I haven't seen and off the top of my head I don't think I've rated a single one higher than a 5/10. So why do I watch them? Much like Scyfy originals back in the day I have no answer for you.

ITN horror films tend to be very consistent. Same cast, same tropes, same cliches, same terrible writing, same appalling acting and same formula. Nazi Zombies has all these, except the formula. I don't know quite what they did here but it actually feels different. The structure was broken, it made little to no sense, it felt rushed and as if even less effort went into it than usual and that's saying something.

Then again this shouldn't be a surprise, look at the cover art for this film or lack thereof. It's horrendous! Yes ITN are known for their dishonest covers, most of which I think are AI generated but at least there is something. Here, a third is the banner, a third is some generic zombie wallpaper and the other third is stock footage of the cast as if people are going to recognize them will be a factor in them choosing to watch this!

The zombies, aren't even zombies. The Nazi element, may as well not even be a thing. The plot is, non existent. This may actually be ITN's worst movie and that's an impressive feat considering the competition.

Rants

Nazi Zombies feels like nobody wanted to be there, the writer couldn't be bothered, the director left early and people on set had to make the best with what they had. Half a script, no direction and not one single person in front of the character knew what they were doing or cared to make an effort. When you can see through a movie and know that there was something wrong behind the camera you know that the film should never have been released in the first place.

The Good

A couple of the effects looked interesting as fleeting as they are

The Bad

Weak poorly chosen cast No real plot Everything feels rushed Cover art Weirdly constructed.