dogglebe

After watching this movie, I can only say that cinema is truly truly dead. In the year 3000, a space salvage crew comes upon an abandoned space ship and accidentally revive Dracula. The shorter the explanation, the better.

Letting mentally challenged children do a cold read of the script would've given a better performance that the actors in this movie. I recognize Coolio, Erika Eleniak and Tommy Lister in the cast; I don't know anyone else and can only assume that they are one-shot actors. I would imagine the entire cast being tossed out of the screen actors' guild for their performances.

The first ten minutes of this film was something out of the Exposition Handbook. It consisted of ten minutes of the captain's log, telling us who the crewmembers. I guess the writer never learned... well... anything about storytelling.

About the only thing I found remotely amusing about this film was Erika Eleniak's man-hands. They're huge! Like flesh-colored oven mitts.

Will someone please tell Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg that they should stop making movie? They're not good at it! I picked this one off the list at Netflix and thought, why not? Terrible jokes, poor acting and a sh!tty script are reasons why not. This is not a parody as parodies contain some wit; this did not. It was the same lame jokes that you'd see in F and S's other alleged parodies. It makes me wonder if fart jokes are pre-printed in the beat sheets when they start story development.

The acting was a step above a cold read (if that much). The jokes are heavily forced on you. And most are rehashed from every other F and S movie.