Mr_Vai

This has to be one of the worst movies ever. The acting is terrible, the script is beyond bad. A pure vanity piece for both Stallone and Russell. I mean, if you nitpicked all of the faults with this movie, you would need a week. The story centers around two rival cops, who seem to make all of the arrests in Los Angeles. You have Tango, played by Stallone, who dresses in Armani suits and drives a Cadillac, he also makes references to Rambo and Bridget Nielsen (hardy har har). Then you have Cash, played by Kurt Russell, a mullet wearing badass who is oozing with machismo. Well, these two make the front page of the paper every day, with big pictures of them, you know, after they make big arrests (geez!). Well, the rivalry is alive and not too realistic. Well, there is a shady figure (Jack Palance), who has a plan to frame the two supercops for murder and put them in prison, where they will be killed. He does not want to just kill them. Look, this is an incredibly stupid film, without a sense of reality at all. This being said, it is weirdly compelling. You just want to keep watching it, to see if it can maintain the awfulness. It does! Tragically entertaining.

If you really enjoy torture and senseless killing, this film is for you! It has all kinds of twisted people killing scores of innocent people for the hell of it. There are no "good guys" here, just evil people, who I think are supposed to be cool. Which is what is so bothering about this film. Rob Zombie seems to be saying, that murdering and torturing people is fun and hip. You can brag that this film is disturbing and you would be correct, but is that anything to brag about? I guess seeing young girls tied up and tortured is a thrill to somebody that was never able to get them, which is where Zombie and his fans seem to be coming from. It is kind of a revenge film for those losers that never were able to get with the attractive and popular crowd, you know, the future serial killers.

I guess you could say that you get your money's worth from this film, because it sure seemed like it was ten hours long. Of course, that is not really a good thing. In Die Hard 3, we have a heavier and balder (although you really could not tell with the wonderful toupee they spray-painted on his head) Bruce Willis trying to solve an inanely plotted heist. The heist in fact is a multi-billion dollar planned affair, that must have been needed to cover the expenses of the robbery itself. While this ridiculous scheme is being played out, Bruce Willis must teach old racist Samuel Jackson that whites are not bad. Jackson is as irritating as he was in "Changing Lanes." But Bruce Willis will show him he should quit acting like an angry black guy. In fact, they kind of bond, which is what you have to do, when the mad German Evil Genius behind the caper requires them to solve 123 puzzles during the film (which I hear is common in robberies). Of course, the supporting cast is wonderfully stereotyped with characters you have seen in 100 other action movies. Will the gruff and balding Willis be able to stop the bad guy? Might he be able to do it by some moronic twist of irony? Gee I hope not, because I could not stand a fourth installment of this garbage. Thanks!