gravedigger-1

Security, Colorado: Attractive young women in boy hair cut drifts and droops from one scene to the next with nothing on her mind, staring off into space. Why would a person subject herself to this type of idleness in existence? Why did she move there? Was this all about the dullard she chose as her partner? One never senses that they were in-love nor even in-like. Single camera shot after single camera shot after single camera shot of in-your-face bored expressions, no direction. If it weren't for her cds (the only time Karen seems to be able to make a decision) poor Karen would have done herself in a long time ago. I especially disliked the "boyfriend's" up-close, feigned affection and scratch-and-sniff sensitivity.

This movie would have been better off in its own orbit somewhere in a faraway galaxy and not associating itself, even remotely, with Austen's Pride and the Prejudice. Instead, it comes across more-like Connie Francis' Where the Boys Are (1965, Ft. Lauderdale, Spring Break). It ignores the plight of a woman who bases her own social situation on the social standing of her prospective mate. Characters, in this movie, serve very little purpose. Lydia, Kitty, Mary, and Mr. Bingley are colorless and idle and are about nothing (great teeth, however). There is no Mrs. Bennett to light the fire of 'hurry-up and marry'. No Mr. Bennett to promote non-conformity and boredom. Mr. Collins, who is traditionally portrayed as the gallant knight of the Kings James Version, is the awkward oaf but never the marital threat that made his character funny. This Wickam doesn't even come close to being an illusion of a 'fine catch'. Jane and Lizzie aren't even sisters, figuratively, in this weak rendition. But, even this movie couldn't reduce Mr. Darcy. And what woman can resist a man who says 'I'm wrong. I'm sorry. Forgive me. I love you'? (sigh) Ha! The Austen tribute in the movie comes too late. It was like receiving that expensive after-dinner-mint when you've only supped on a bologna sandwich.

Distant, private Writing Professor, has nymphomaniac half sister, and lives in an urban area of locally-murdered women. Writing Professor meets City Detective-on-the-case who seeks clues and sexual gratification through the distant, private and now, horny Writing Professor. Slow walks down dark streets and slow walks into semi-dark rooms and a multitude of suspicious characters. You know the drill. Lots of plastic wrapped body parts found here and there. In between these bloody scenes viewers try to care whether or not heroes reach orgasms. Not that much 'Freddy Krueger' slicing and dicing. Nice long wet, hard, first-real-kiss scene in the woods, then its back to the city for more body parts. Interesting characters developing awkwardly and you get to watch. Does the City Detective need more clues or more Viagra?