Ricardo_Aparicio

(Spoilers may be revealed) I am convinced, having watched Whatever Works just a couple of hours ago, that the 7.4 score this movie earned came from the die-hard Woody fans who believe he is biologically incapable of creating a bad movie.

And I considered myself one of those fans until today. I didn't like Anything Else very much, but I suppose if pushed for a rating I would give it a five or a six. This movie wasn't half as good as Anything Else.

What's wrong? - There isn't anything organic about the plot. Things just happen without the motivations of the characters moving things along. It's like an American Pie movie in that way.

• The dialog is too often simply soapbox stuff for Woody Allen to air out his issues with anything associated with red state America. As a proud red state American, I don't mind criticisms of our culture (I've got a few myself) as long as they are fair and accurate. Woody's diatribes are neither accurate nor fair, and it seems apparent that in his late 70's he has entered into that state of self-parody that many famous people do in their old age.

• Woody is repeating his old themes. Fourth wall appeals, the small-town naive girl goes to the city and outgrows her mentor, bitter old intellectual - we've seen this stuff before.

To discuss my issues with this movie in greater detail I would have to watch the movie again; as a longtime Woody Allen fan, I regret to say that I will never again subject myself to Whatever Works. I never imagined Woody could sink so low.

This film looks wonderful and yet gracelessly misses its mark - think of a springboard diver executing a two-and-a-half reverse tuck only to clip his head on the board while falling. (Did I really just make a DIVING reference?) Yes, I understand that this movie used a graphic novel as a source material; this is why most comic book movies have less entertainment value than Laffy Taffy wrapper jokes.

The visuals and performances were top-notch, but the message delivered inside of the story was pure rubbish. It was the "slippery slope" rhetorical device typically used so nauseatingly by social conservatives (The whole world's gone to hell since (pick one) long hair on boys/the slam dunk/the birth control pill/rock and roll) - only this time, the slippery slope falls to the far right: If you're against gay marriage, it leads to the internment of gays. Opposition to radical Islam leads to the criminalization of the practice of Islam. Opposition to illegal immigrants leads to the deportation of all immigrants. There was also fodder for conspiracy buffs: the government knows and sees every last thing. And the government is waaaaaaaaay bad. I mean seriously - like, EVIL. There was even a Rush Limbaugh sighting, complete with prescription drug addiction!

It's obvious that this movie is anti-conservative, which I don't mind at all. We need honest disagreement (which we do have in this country) as long as we are willing to work together (which we have not had in this country since the 1810's). However, I really hate to see sophomoric distortions like these presented as some sort of provocative satire. It's not. It's got all the thoughtful gravitas of "Rock Against Bush".