guru_monk

To think we're only a couple of years past RD Steckler's much more enjoyable genre productions and this "movie" seems even sadder. I have a hard time believing this thing was ever released to theaters, even porno theaters in Vegas. That said, only in Vegas would a horror show host appear in a porno movie. The guy playing Dracula stumbles over his lines and barely even makes sense half the time. He sends some women who look like they've had some dark nights of the soul on the Vegas strip out to supply him with blood. This being a porno you can probably guess what they get it from. Two seemingly endless sex scenes make up about 90% of the already scant running time. Carolyn Brandt shows up in cut-aways and makes "Laugh In" type jokes. The sound is out of sync and the sex is of the "tarantulas mating" kind you see in most 70s pornos, but there is one slow motion running scene that was very Steckler. Poor Ray, I guess a guy's gotta eat...

I caught this as the "short" feature at the end of Something Weird's "Career Bed/Sex by Advertisement" DVD and all I can say is wow. This looks like somebody's home movie and at least twice you can spot the cameraman's finger or a crew member's arm in the frame. "Susan Sex" narrates as "Lola Lust" a demon from hell who visits wicked Earth Hell to corrupt the soul of "Osmo" (?!), a bearded guy with dirty pants who hangs out in a porno book store. Lola Lust encourages our hero to fantasize about "beautiful dancing girls", but we mostly see incredibly incompetent sex scenes that Lola breathlessly narrates ("this is hell where people bathe each other!" being the most incomprehensible line I've ever heard in a movie). If this wasn't enough, Satan himself shows up to comment on the most retarded looking orgy imaginable. Characters are called "Liz Tails" and "Uncle Weatherby". There's some gay humping and the actors look pretty bored throughout. Satan sounds like an accountant, and Lola gets more and more wigged out until she starts moaning about "getting the president" and neither one seems sure when the movie will end. The narration at times doesn't match what's on screen (Lola Lust describes a dancing girl when all we see is a guy with his underwear on humping the hatchet-faced blonde from some of Michael Findlay's films), and my guess is director "Looney Bear" was pretty much the last stop in the NYC sex film scene. Some of the girls in this show up in a ton of other NYC sex movies (especially Findlay's) and "Looney" seems to have had some kind of relationship with Jack Bravman, who produced a number of Michael Findlay's more obscure/lost films. At an edited 27 minutes, this is about 15 minutes too long, and the full feature-length would probably cause you to lapse into a coma before the halfway point. Cool title music though.