edgewelle

Woe to the person who views this film.

The version that I rented (when looking for a humorously bad movie, mind you) had the gall to put Don Knotts on the cover of the box. What a joke. A disembodied Knotts provides the voice for a mule that occasionally appears during the movie, voicing perhaps 15 lines - a solid half hour of work for old Don. The rest of the movie is beyond incomprehensible - film quality that is beyond terrible, jump cuts everywhere, horrible sound, and no discernable story or point. Was it intended to be a comedy? The (near) presence of Don Knotts would seem to indicate that, but the dreary pacing and tone of the film suggests that Stanley Kubrick directed the film while hung over.

So while I had hoped to find something that could be ironically enjoyable, the experience of watching Mule Feathers just felt like being beaten mercilessly in the head with a board.

For my money, there's nothing more terrifying than a plastic-covered motorcycle driving laps around people in slow motion. My chest was pounding as laser blasts from this unholy machine ricocheted off wooden wagon wheels and rusty metal. There was too much heart-stopping action in this movie to withstand!

"Murdercycle" is a weak (albeit fairly harmless) horror/action film from Full Moon pictures. The acting is very, very poor. Community theater level poor. People can't hold guns properly in this movie, and acting is replaced with disconcerting twitches and squints. Those faults are humorous ones, however; we can enjoy ourselves with the low quality of the acting and sets (two buildings, a lot of trees, and a janitor's break room comprise the shooting locations).

My real problem with "Murdercycle" is the character of Dr. Lee. She's a woman with psychic powers employed by the government. How does she have these powers? She explains, "Everybody has the ability to use this gift - but few do." I would venture to guess that the reason that people don't use this gift is that it turns you into a somber, completely uninteresting bore who contributes nothing to life. This character is pointless, uninteresting, unattractive, and annoying.

The murdercycle itself is a funny thing. A dirt bike covered with black plastic mounted with lasers of varying power. One minute, the laser blows up a truck. The next minute, it's rendered impotent by rotten wood. More often than not, the murdercycle kills it's victims by simply running over them. That's some space-age alien technology for you.

I can't bring myself to completely pan this movie. I enjoyed myself when not subjected to the monotone speeches of Dr. Lee. Avoid this if you're hoping for even somewhat decent action. Check it out if you're looking for a laugh.

I rented this film with a few good buddies and we fully expected to enjoy watching a lousy movie filled with unintentional comedy. Instead, what we labored our way through was 90 minutes of unwatchable garbage. The movie presents us with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, and proceeds to tell us that they are cool guys who we should enjoy. Why?! It never shows us anything cool or enjoyable about them - it just asks us to assume that. Much like when a body rejects a donated organ, we reject the very notion that they are interesting or likable individuals. Was Feldman's outfit EVER cool-looking? Even in some parallel dimension? (Also, a note to any prospective screenwriters out there, costuming jokes are NEVER funny! "Look, the sleeves of his suit are ripped off because he's on the beach!! HILARIOUS!") Corey Haim spends his time dressed like a semi-retarded homeless person and spouting off about virtual reality. Huh? Where did that character paradigm come from? If you can believe it, the movie actually becomes less watchable when the two Coreys aren't on the screen. We're presented with a villain with an annoyingly altered voice, a mermaid with an annoyingly altered voice, and an retired couple intent on wasting our time with their weary jokes. A last note, we should have realized that the movie was going to be a failure while watching the opening credits - the names are piercingly flashed at us in neon colors. It was enough to almost send me into a seizure.

People, trust me. If you're looking for a campy movie high on the unintentional comedy scale, look elsewhere. "Last Resort" only serves to p*** you off.