JasonKleeberg

Made-for-TV films are an interesting time capsule which we just don't have anymore due to streaming services and the death of traditional television. From as far back as the 60's through the early 90's, made-for-TV movies were a big deal - event viewings that people made sure they had couch time set aside for. Unlike today's television environment, if you missed it, you may never have the chance to see them again. Most made-for-TV films were shown twice on network television, and in the case of this film, only once. These needed to be interesting stories that had to rely on tight storytelling without leaning on sex, violence, and language that you could get away with in theaters and they had to be done on a budget of what I'd estimate was about a million bucks or so.

Some people have a certain stigma around films made for TV, as if they're inherently of a lower quality or went straight to TV because they weren't good enough for the big screen, which is isn't exactly true. These aren't like direct to video DVD releases. Big time directors like Steven Spielberg and Edward Zwick have worked on productions made for TV with Duel (1971) and Special Bulletin (1983). Made-for-TV films like The Night Stalker and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark were amazing horror films, the latter even being remade in 2010 backed by Guillermo Del Toro.

Death Ride to Osaka, originally released on TV as Girls of the White Orchid, originally aired in late November, 1983 and was produced by NBC's Hill/Mandelker Films, which produced 10 different NBC made-for-TV films between 1981-1984, many focusing on specific audiences and this one was clearly geared towards the female crowd. It was released on a Monday night opposing Monday Night Football, so if you weren't interested in Dan Marino shellacking the Bengals, this was your counter-programming that evening. It stars Jennifer Jason Leigh in her last made-for-TV role. I was surprised that she was in this, considering she had a big role in the amazing comedy Fast Times at Ridgemont High just a year before this released, but it was common back then to bounce between features and other made-for-TV films before making the jump to theatrical features. She had been in The Killing of Randy Webster (1981) and The First Time (1982) and continued to make some ABC After School Specials and telefilms throughout her career. Interestingly, the events of the film are based on the true story of Tom Allard's girlfriend. Allard was an actor with bit parts in some films and played Shung in the 1991 TV show Land of the Lost and shows up as a newspaper salesman here.

Jennifer Jason Leigh plays the ultra-naive Carol Heath, a waitress in Los Angeles who aspires to be a singer and answers a talent ad in the paper that advertised opportunities in the Orient. Unfortunately, when she gets there, she realizes that the gig at the White Orchid club isn't exactly what she thought it would be. Sure, she's singing - and the film features some songs actually sung by Jennifer Jason Leigh, but she's also expected to cozy up with the local Japanese men, many of whom are Yakuza, with the expectation of sharing more than just a sweet, sweet voice. When girls brought to the White Orchid don't play ball, they're sent to the lower end clubs in Osaka, where dreams...and girls...die, hence the alternate title of the film. Also in the mix is Don, Carol's boyfriend who's in the Navy. When he's discharged, he comes looking for her and finds some trouble for himself overseas.

The film is a pretty grounded look at the nature of prostitution trafficking in the early 80's. Watching this, it's easy to understand how young hopefuls would get caught up in this kind of scheme. It's scary to think that thousands of young girls probably answered ads just like the one in this film, only to find themselves stuck in a foreign land with no way out. There are a few other threads in the film - one featuring the other girls at the club - including a few that end tragically - and one featuring the Yakuza boss's son which didn't feel realistic, considering what he'd probably done up that point. The film stays on a pretty realistic course until the end, where it unfortunately steers into the realm of the preposterous and felt rushed - especially the climax, which features an elderly Yakuza boss using Kung fu with the speed of a man stuck in quick sand, and of course ending on a happy note for those slipping off to bed at 11pm on a work night. Looking at the limitations of films like this, there are short bursts of violence that are pretty tame and there was no foul language, which was par for the course on cable TV. I was, however, surprised that there was a bit of nudity in the film - at least four different scenes, including one featuring Jennifer Jason Leigh and one that kind of mirrors a naked, sleazy Flashdance style scene in an ugly Osaka bar that feels like it was filmed for a different film. For a made-for-TV film, I was not expecting naked women. Now, I was two when this film came out, so I can only imagine that the version shown on NBC did not show the nudity and that it was filmed in conjunction with either a European release or under the assumption that it would be on video store shelves within a few years.

Death Ride to Osaka is a decent enough film and an interesting cautionary tale that I'm sure was effective for couch surfers in 1983. As a stand alone experience now, it's tough to recommend to anyone outside of Jennifer Jason Leigh completionists, because she's the best thing about the film - she acts her ass off here and shows why she'd be the star that she was. While the film works as a decent melodrama, it's chock full of cheap tropes and packed with what I've heard referred to as 'yellow fear', and in an age where we've had enough fear mongering over what idiots have dubbed the "China Virus", this can be a tough pill to swallow. Still, for something that was probably expected to be seen only once, there is something to be said for the craft used to make the film. Jonathan Kaplan was an extremely competent director. The film is interestingly lit, well shot, and also features some great music.

This was released as part of Fun City Editions Primetime Panic set, alongside two other made-for-TV films Freedom (1981) and Dreams Don't Die (1982). The picture looks good although there's some noticeable grain. The disc contains some interviews, including one with the director Jonathan Kaplan, as well as a commentary by the incredibly informed film programmer Lars Nilsen.

A real estate developer named Leslie Chase gets stuck in a difficult situation when a Totec Indian tribe gets mad that he's developing on their land. Instead of asking them to leave nicely, he murders them all with shotguns. Unfortunately, when he murders the chief, something happens and he becomes possessed with the same murderous rage with a penchant for slashing Achilles tendons and a taste for human flesh.

A while later, Nora Weeks's husband Julian goes missing near the development. She hires a private detective to figure out where he went, and they both run into Mr. Chase in the process.

You get to see Robert Patrick chew the screen and look directly into the camera multiple times, so that's a plus. Joanna Pacula is great as the female lead, she's definitely acting way harder than she needed to.

There's not really much in terms of gore, but there is quite a bit of nudity. It doesn't all make sense (take the couple that jaunts off into a cornfield to bang just feet from a perfectly good truck), but it's well done. There's a particular scene in which Robert Patrick bangs Mimi Craven, yes, Wes Craven's ex-wife, that's very well done. We never see Leslie Chase become a cannibal, but we sure as hell watch him eat Mimi (if you know what I'm sayin')!

There's one scene that's so wildly out of place that I almost fell out of my chair laughing. See, Nora is distraught that her husband, Julian has gone missing. So distraught, that we get to see a flashback of them banging. It switches to a very "Dawson's Creek"-esque music track during this scene in which we see way more of Julian that Nora. It felt like it belonged in another film entirely.

Robert Patrick needed a better agent in the 90's. After what could have been an absolute star-making turn as the T-1000 in Terminator 2, he was cast in the worst, bottom of the barrel films up until 1997's Copland, and yes, Last Gasp is one of those turds. He's great it in as a suave real estate developer who sometimes puts on face paint and kills people, but they try to paint him as sympathetic at one point and it just doesn't work. Look, we don't care that he doesn't want to go on these murder hunts to kill people, you know why? Because he helped murder an entire tribe of Indians.

There's also no explanation of any of the supernatural elements of the curse, but there are a lot of questions. Why does the soul jump from body to body? Why does Robert Patrick need to toss face paint and Indian gear on before he goes wild? And why are the police in that area absolutely worthless?

This feels like a TNT made-for-TV film, but with breasts. Lots of tight shots, dark cinematography, editing that doesn't exactly line up, stupid music, an ending "twist" that you'll see coming from a country mile, and characters that you won't really give a hoot about. I almost forgot everything that happened the minute I turned this film off.

This was another dud for me. I get that some people probably have an attachment to it from when they were younger, but it just felt like a disappointing film from all aspects. It's drab, lacks any kind of...bite, and aside from Robert Patrick and Joanna Pacula, no one is pulling their weight.

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