GameelaWright

You know it is not a good thing when the only entertaining person in the film is the `retard' as they called him. If it weren't for that character, I would have pulled my hair out. I just kept waiting for his scenes. And they weren't that great. But I needed them. So I could justify sitting for the entire 2 hours. Was it the worst film ever? No. But man, someone should have had the cojones to say to the people in charge `Stop. Just stop.'

Martin Brest really has to get over himself. His writing and directing keeps getting muddy and I can only think hubris coupled with a sense of entitlement is to blame. This film is a good example of someone taking himself WAY too seriously. What on earth was he thinking when he wrote, `I am the Sultan of Swat'? `I am the original gangster's gangster'? `I'm the bull, you're the cow'? And don't get me started on the yoga posing/vagina-penis monologue! I don't think actors with 2 Oscars could have made that script sound good. And speaking of the script, where the hell was the plot? The beginning was just about getting through it so that we could introduce Jennifer Lopez' character and their ensuing sexual tension. Ricky and Gigli are barely watching this guy who is unpredictable and they seem to be pretty relaxed about the whole thing. This is even after the cop shows up, played by Christopher Walken who was in only one scene, and then we never see him again. And what was he saying? I actually had to put on the subtitles and watch the scene over to understand. Pacino was also in just one scene. And thank God, because his yelling is getting worse. If you want to know if Pacino feels he is in a bad movie, just listen for how much he yells. The more he yells, the louder he yells, the worse the movie is. And then there's psycho lesbo girlfriend who comes in for one scene and attempts to kill herself. Ok, we've proven that Ricky is really a lesbian so we can get rid of the dumped girlfriend. On to the next shot!

Ben Affleck as a gangster? And exactly what accent was he doing? Italian, New Jersey by way of Staten Island? He was funny in the mirror talking to himself, but overall the macho bit seemed very, well.acted, and not very well. He niche is playing underdogs with vulnerability, but where was the hardened criminal? Jennifer Lopez - yes, yes, yes, we know she looks good. But she is supposed to be a hardened lesbian gangster for hire. Where did she find the time to keep her hair so coiffed and keep lip gloss on her lips? And why oh why am I forced to see her ass all the time? When and how did her behind become part of the story? This time it was the butt crack as she laid items on the floor to make a bed. And why the yoga stuff? What was the point in that? To show why Gigli was so frustrated? He could have just complained about the script. Her long monologues not only didn't make much sense and seem contrived, but Jennifer though talented, does not have the chops for that kind of dialogue. She and Ben didn't have the best on-screen chemistry I've seen, but I believed the attraction. But it couldn't help this mess of a movie.

I rented "Swept Away" expecting it to be the worst film ever, and was surprised to see that it wasn't. THAT being said, I think there is something to be said for not allowing your spouse to bully you into doing something (do you hear, Guy Ritchie?) First of all, the movie moved like a drunk snail. There was some really good dialogue in the beginning, along with good music and cinematography, but as soon as Madonna started speaking, I said "Oh Lord, here we go again!" The actor playing her protagonist (the son of the actor from the original I believe) was quite good.

This remake is not in the least bit politically correct. Basically the Italian (not Greek) fisherman abuses her, and breaks her down until she gives in. The only way to show the nuances of the characters so that we sympathize with them though we may not like their behaviors, is to have good actors who can show all sides. Madonna cannot do that! She's so efficient at playing bitch, that after a while you start to ask yourself "Why didn't he just strangle her?" or "OK, she's been on this island long enough and has watched this guy long enough to know how to take care of herself, so why doesn't she just tell him to take a flying leap and break from him? Why does she hide from the rescue effort to stay with him?" The answer SHOULD be that she was as trapped with her husband and previous life as she is on this island. The fisherman, through his own anger, bitterness and brutality - breaks through all the walls she's put up. But since Madonna cannot seem to drum up real, emotional conflict and feelings, you don't quite believe her when she "reveals" herself. There is no real chemistry between them. She has a hard time crying and only really, truly did it on the helicopter at the end of the movie. But by then it was too late as far as the audience is concerned. Nothing is worse than a movie that doesn't make you care about the characters. All I could think was "Oh for God's sake will somebody come by with a boat and pick them up?!" And if I heard Madonna deliver one more joke in her flat, nasal way, I was going to put a shoe in the DVD player. She wasn't funny, which would have helped her character (and Madonna herself) garner more sympathy. For someone who prides herself in "pushing the envelope" and "challenging the status quo", you'd think she'd be a better actor. Stick to what you know babe.