Alex H

I can't believe anybody thought this would be a good idea. I find it hard to believe that when this was pitched to those in command, not one person stood up and said "Hold on a sec, this idea is total crud."

But it happened. And dear Christ don't you wish it hadn't. Lets start with a basic plot outline. Two brothers, who don't get along, go out flying a light aircraft for no apparent reason. All of a sudden they get caught up in a tropical storm. Their plane crashes into the sea, the brothers escape, but lose track of their Dad. Low and behold they are washed up on a mysterious island, inhabited by...guess what! Dinosaurs! Yes it seems that on this island, humans and dinosaurs live in relative peace. And get this! Some of the dinosaurs can talk!

If you read the entirity of that last paragraph, then you're either a) a simpleton, b) 'genuinely intruiged' or c) as bored as I am.

Let's move on to the cast shall we? You are never likely to see a greater number of career suicides in a single production. Lee Evans, for example, great comedian, some good moments in film (Mouse Hunt, There's Something About Mary) and then this. Granted, you never actually see him on screen, but the very fact that he lent his voice to the Jar-Jar Binks of the dinosaur world (the loathsome Zippo) is a crime against British comedy. And David Thewlis. What is he doing? Having given a performance in 'Seven Years in Tibet' that was good enough to get him banned from entering The People's Republic of China for the rest of his life, he then decides to lend his considerable acting talent to this worthless piece of trash. Why God? Why?

Ahem. Anyway. Where was I? Ah yes. The special effects. Now in some places, they are comendable. Some of the more sedate sequences give real feeling to the creatures, and the flying beasts are excellently animated. The character of Zippo, no matter how much you'd like to set him on fire, is superbly animated and interacts with his human counterparts more or less perfectly. Sadly that's about as far as the positives go. The action packed, T-Rex bashing set-pieces are diabolical. When a human is on the screen with fast moving action taking place around them, they are always surrounded by a faint but noticeable outline, where the blue screen hasn't quite adjusted. Come on people! Jurassic Park did this perfectly years ago, with genuinely scary dinosaurs and believable action scenes. This is just shoddy.

In conclusion then, this is bad, even by TV-movie standards. It might appeal to the very young, but you get the feeling that that wasn't the demographic the producers were aiming for. The actors look vaguley embarassed by the whole thing and the story chugs along like a written off motor car.

As far as entertainment goes, this isn't even tenth rate.

I sincerely hope this is the last Austin Powers movie. There I said it. This should not be misconstrued as a criticism of the series in general but more of a 'don't flog a dead horse' warning to Mr Myers. There is only so far one can take a comedy series before it starts to grate and if we never see those horrible teeth on screen ever again then the series will have survived, reputation untarnished. The point is, this is a fantastic movie.

As with all spoof movies the comedy is distinctly hit and miss (think Scary Movie, Hot Shots, Naked Gun and yes, even Airplane!). Thankfully AP3 has a far greater percentage of hits than misses. Some of the set pieces worked into this movie were absolute, unquestionable genius. The scene with the fountain statue and the Japanese guard had me almost crying with laughter. Another fine & inventive set piece was the scene with the Japanese subtitiles. Other fine examples were the Mole, Fat Bastards wire driven combat scene and another brilliant shadow scene, this time with Mini-Me instead of Felicity Shagwell.

Acting wise, very impressive. Aside from the comic genius that is Mike Myers,this time adding a forth, politically incorrect villain in the form of the hilarious Goldmember ("Hi guysh! I'm from Holland! Isn't zat vierd?"), Michael Caine is perfectly cast as Mr Powers Snr, in a kind of lighter hearted 'Get Carter' sort of way.

Credit must go, however, to young Beyonce Knowles. Popstars who act are a mixed breed. You have the good (David Bowie, Jennifer Lopez, Bjork), the average (Britney Spears, Ice Cube) and the bloody awful (Mariah Carey, Jon Bon Jovi, Mick Jagger). Fortunately for her, the 21 year old is comendably realistic as the big-haired blacksploitation secret agent. Surrounded as she is by a top-notch cast she can hardly fail to look good, but instead of riding the talent of her cast-mates as you might expect from a relative newcomer, Beyonce carries herself extremley well and doesn't look at all like she's reading off a piece of card (I'm looking at you Mariah!).

Now we get to the part of AP3 that forced me to give it a lower rating than it might otherwise have got. Scott Evil. Now you may remember that in the first two movies, young Scott was one of the principle sources of entertainment with his frequent set pieces with Dr Evil. Now call me cynical if you like, but turning Scott Evil...er...evil was about the worst thing they could have done to the character. The whole reason he was so great was that he was a voice of reason within a organisation of evil geniuses. You can also tell that actor Seth Green, is uncomfortable in a role he used to relish, especially at the very end of the movie.

Aside from this one gripe though, Austin Powers in Goldmember is a thoroughly entertaining spoof comedy, easily the best in the series and highly recomended to anyone who wants to be in stiches for an hour and a half. It's not rocket science, but there's only so much arty-farty psycho-analysis movies you can stand. Or is it just me?

I pity any American reading this, I truly do. Over here we get the absolute cream of the sketch show crop. An absolute masterpiece of comedy writing and acting. In America, the cream of the comedy crop is "Everybody Loves Raymond". Hah!

Some of the catchphrases in the Fast Show are so ingrained into the British national concsience that they are regularly used in just about every type of media outlet. "Football isn't it?" "You aint seen me, right?" "This week I have been mostly..." "Suit you sir!" "Schorchio!" the list goes on. What Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson have created here is legend. If there was a book on how to do great sketch shows, this would be the foundation.

The reason the Fast Show works so well is that it has found the balance. It's funny on the most basic level of physichal comedy and repeated simplicity for those who wish to switch there brains off for half an hour, whilst simaltaneously being sharply satirical and brilliantly observed enough to engage the more cynicaly minded viewer. The fact that Ron Manager, the football analyst now has his own column in a Saturday Sport pullout in the Guardian is a measure of what huge cult figures the characters have become.

So in conclusion I would just like to say:

Son terrenos el kleftikos den teflon do Fast Show est ter keles butros butros Gahli. Faliahala falihala faliahalay faliahala Chris Waddle. Ten deros muchos bonkos hinky sminky pinky meth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth-eth Nelson Mandela win on penalties. Hava vin doros fendevicos Sheffield Uwednesdaye e hemeriodos ton fig leaf e six gerbils.

In other words

Brillllliaaaaaannnnnnntttttttttt!!!!!!!