CineMan-24

The horrors of combat are nothing compared to sitting through this movie. Actually, I didn't sit through it. For the first time in a long time, I walked out 105 minutes into it.

There is no cast of characters. It's a cast of clones. And don't give me any arcane crap about how this "merely represents the anonymity and expendability of every man or woman who serves in the U.S. military's giant killing machine." If the script is done correctly (a la "Saving Private Ryan") everybody in the audience would care about the soldiers they see.

As far as visuals are concerned, the movie is stunning at first. Hey, everybody loves a good music video. But after more than 90 minutes, the quick cuts, fast camera moves and dazzling effects make it feel like the same dance tune playing over and over in the drive-time radio rotation.

Turn off the stereo when you leave, fellas. I'm outa here.

Absolutely the worst film of the year.

One minute, the director treats you to an unbelievably brutal murder. The next, he tries to make you laugh about it.

One minute, he makes you feel sympathetic about the heroine. The next, he makes her the butt of jokes and the object of verbal abuse.

I don't just want a refund. I want to be compensated for the misery this incredibly bad movie inflicted.

If big screen success is all about the pictures, this movie deserves every one of the 20+ million box office dollars it raked in on opening weekend. The visuals provide an interplanetary experience like no other movie before it.

If words are what matters, "Mission to Mars," should never have made it to the screen. The script is overly melodramatic, preachy and poorly delivered.

DePalma's ability to entertain through visual imagery has never been better; his ability to pick a good script (or perhaps his ability to shield a good script from unskilled studio suits who have nothing better to do than destroy it) has never been worse.

My advice? See the movie -- but take a Walkman.