Barbecue

Ink is a nicely done low-budget indie film with an interesting visual style. It's not a masterpiece, but it's really quite well done, despite some fairly weak acting (in some places it's downright cringe-worthy.) The dialog ranges from clever to humdrum, but I've heard worse in blockbusters from big studios, who don't have the excuse of a low budget and limited resources. The story is simple, but told in a non-linear fashion that I found interesting but never baffling. Nothing in the movie seemed arbitrary or random. It was obviously a labor of love, and I for one am willing to overlook the flaws and appreciate this film as a sincere and energetic effort by a director with potential.

The highlight of this film is in the first minutes, where Teen Ape, while getting head from a perky anonymous skank, accidentally ejaculates across the room into the mouth of our narrator, who then proceeds to dribble what looks like skim milk into said skank's eager mouth, in what has to be the worst attempt at faking a "snowballing" scene in film history. Unfortunately, the ape-groupie departs, and things go rapidly downhill from there.

Some of Teen Ape's obnoxious crude sexual commentary would be funny, if it were not so badly mumbled and incoherent. There are a lot of in-jokes and winks, but nothing funnier than what you'd see in a high school annual. The juxtaposition of medieval dialog with pseudo-gangsta hip-hop slang falls flat, and the crass dialog is too tediously delivered to be funny.

One of the great things about truly dreadful movies is that the actors, while dreadful, are somewhat sincere. This cast doesn't suffer from such a misconception however. With a few exceptions, they know they suck, and don't seem to care. The result is more boredom than exploitation.

Bright spots: Anonymous Slattern, Elegant Elliott, the Elf Ho', and the Wandering Swordsman.

Funniest line: "...and my f**king hand turned mortal!"

• The Goblin King

If you're a fan of low-life cinema a la Troma Team, and you expect something similar from this, you'll be disappointed. It's terrible, but not so terrible that it's fun to watch. A good movie to recommend to someone you're mad at.