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This movie shall forever go down as having featured a post-James Bond Sean Connery running around in a red loin cloth and worshipping a giant flying stonehead. That's only the first five minutes of the movie (and some agonizing flashbacks). Soon, Zed (Connery) ends up, like John in Brave New World, a savage in an empty world of controlled life. It means something. There's some deep messages here. But you'll be too distracted by Sean Connery in a wedding dress and an over-abundance of seemingly drug-induced camera tricks to really care. This is a pretentious art film with little rhyme or reason. You really only get the message (the human spirit is incompatible with a sterile life or something like that) because you've seen it so many times in so many better films and books (see: 1984, Brave New World, The Matrix). Hell, even the first episode of Futurama plays up this angle.

I just watched this movie with a group of friends, two of whom had seen it before. It was hard to make it through the last twenty minutes because the movie just wore itself so thin. If it hadn't been for everybody else, I probably would have turned it off and forgotten about it. The cheese level is entertaining for most of the movie, but near the end it just becomes too much of an absurdist statement to be really worthwhile.

I feel betrayed. Here we have Jesus Christ engaging in martial arts combat. With vampires. Lesbian vampires. While teaming with El Santo. How can you miss!? Well, you can miss when you have no talent to back the thing up. The acting just hurt, the fight scenes were slow and dully choreographed, and the rendition of Santo was just depressing. It shows that some times a small budget can really hurt a movie.

The pacing is terrible--there is no sense of urgency at all and many actions aren't explained at all. Like I said, the plot is fantastic, I could barely contain my excitement, and yet it somehow managed to do everything wrong. I'm so sorry to give this movie a bad review, but I have to say it's only worth it for the morbidly curious.

Hypocrisy in the movie? No. Let's hooray hypocrisy in the movie going public! Harry Potter--nobody cares that you've got a kid flying around on a broom stick. Lord of the Rings--I haven't heard a complaint about the use of magic and monsters. Crouching Tiger--People run on air!? That must not be tolerated!

People don't seem to understand that this movie could fall just as easily into the fantasy category as martial arts or drama. People running on air, or on water, or across roofs shouldn't be too unusual, since their incredible abilities are supposed to be the results of training to beat their human limits. But this may not be the important thing.

Crouching Tiger is very much a drama first and a martial arts movie second, but with what I think is a fairly good balance. However, anybody going in for one or the other will probably be disappointed. Martial arts fans may not like the slow, deliberate pace or the 45-minute flashback (hey, Citizen Kane didn't have a linear structure either) and drama (and action) fans will be confused with the fighting styles in this film. But if you realize you're going in there for a balance, you've got it made.

The cinematography in this film is wonderful, as are the dynamic characters. If you want a fun little kung-fu movie, get Wing Chun. Otherwise, this movie has what it takes to break out of the "chop sockey" genre to make it big. Really should have received more than that Spartacus-wannabe Gladiator at the Academy Awards.