cuz

Joe Eszterhas was the perfect man to write "Basic Instinct" and, sadly, "Showgirls." He's turned sleaziness into an art form. So, you think he'd be the "write" guy for a satire on Hollywood movers and shakers. Slippery producers, wacko directors, narcissistic actors. This is Joe's world. Unfortunately, "An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn" is not exactly "The Player." The script is not as clever by half. For those who don't know, Alan Smithee is the name directors use when they feel their movies have been altered or even ruined by studio intervention. They don't want their real names associated with the finished product. The joke here--and it's a small one--is that the director (Monty Python vet Eric Idle) is Alan Smithee. That's his real name. The studio isn't satisfied with the action movie he's made so they re-cut it, much to his dismay. He decides to steal the master copy and burn it. Idle is wasted in the title role. He's a caricature and, as such, someone we can't really sympathize with. That leaves us with a series of interviews with actors, producers and agents telling us, in documentary fashion, what went wrong with Smithee's film. None of them are particularly interesting. Rappers Chuck D and Coolio come off best as independent filmmakers the Brothers brothers (yet another lame joke). Ryan O'Neal is one dimensional as a slimy producer who expected the film to become another "Titanic." O'Neal's inclusion should have been one tip-off that "An Alan Smithee Film..." would turn into a real Alan Smithee film. In fact, Arthur Hiller took his name off it. Incidentally, the film being made in "An Alan Smithee Film..." is a big budget thriller starring Sylvester Stallone, Whoopi Goldberg and Jackie Chan. Perhaps Eszterhas should have used that concept instead. It's hard to say who this film was made for. It's not a realistic satire of Hollywood movie makers...it's not funny...and, considering Joe's reputation, there aren't any wild sex scenes to keep us from being bored. Stick to the sleaze, Joe. It's what you do best.

Time has not been kind to Muhammad Ali. Parkinson's disease has reduced him to a shadow of his former greatness, which makes this film all the more special. It shows us Ali at his smart-mouthed, fleet-footed best. "When We Were Kings" documents the events leading up to the now classic Ali-Foreman fight in 1974, dubbed the Rumble in the Jungle. Muhammad Ali was more than just a superb boxer. He was the most charismatic athlete we've ever seen, and "When We Were Kings" reminds us why.

You feel sorry for the two leads in this film, and it has nothing to do with their respective characters. No, you sympathize with Sarah Polley ("The Sweet Hereafter") and Eric Thal because they both try so hard to make the most of poorly-written roles. Josephine is a college student and aspiring journalist. Joe is a wiretapper masquerading as a phone company technician. They meet in a bar. She's intrigued and pursues Joe, but Joe plays it cool. They finally get together, have a night of bland sex (bland to the viewer, anyway) and begin a complicated relationship. She finds out about his secret occupation, and continues to date him. He has no people skills whatsoever, and embarrasses Josephine in front of her friends. She continues to date him. It's not until much later in the film that she comes to her senses and realizes what a jerk Joe is. It's a variation of Roger Ebert's idiot plot. The story continues only because both characters are too stupid to realize they're hopelessly wrong for each other. "Joe's So Mean to Josephine" wastes the talents of Polley and Thal. On the bright side, it was nice to see the city of Toronto actually playing itself this time, instead of pretending to be New York or Chicago.