Craig JS

Having resolved my self at an early age, to avoid nay to despise TV movies in all their shameless forms, I found my self at a bit of morale dilemma bringing my self to watch "On The Beach"; On the one hand a Modern take on a book I had read in my childhood. On the other Armand Assante. It was a difficult choice I can assure you.

Depressing and Dark, Convoluted and contrived simple yet strangely stirring. The telling of what is to happen after the bomb has been dropped from the Australian point of view is simple. The wind has been slowly but surely sending death down under. There is little to but wait and plan for the inevitable. An American nuclear vessel travels in out of the deep blue and provides a glimmer of hope to the survival of the human race.

The Book was strangely profound in its telling, or at least it was to a boy in his early teens when I first read it. Too many "but why's" ruined this film for me in the present. Its story though updated for the millennium still provided me with one to many questions un-answered. Perhaps I require more holes to be filled in at the end of the day. Having put these issues aside in my mind, I resolved to look at the good points; Bryan Brown is a good point, as is Rachel Ward. The Acting all round was for the most part superb. As was the some what tear jerking finale that provides nuclear war a very human face. I must say given these statements I might have started the destruction of the universe as we know it, A TV movie good? Surely not. Well provided the productions values were good for a movie made on TV budget, splendid acting and an great couple of closing moments. It's severely hampered by a dish water weak love story, unanswered questions a plenty and perhaps the worst American accent ever recorded

Beyond these quibbles, This some what easy to hate but still strangely stirring movie is not bad. Its not particularly good, but I have been biased though years of poor TV movies. I would perhaps advise those of you who liked the drama of say Die Hard, to look else where for your entertainment. However if you are not terribly afraid of a little tear jerker and a downer ending, enjoy!

Do not be misled by the title into thinking this is the latest in a long and star-studded line of the Playboy movie of week fare. This is actually an amusing if someone self-fulfilling and happy meal packaged film. Its focus is on a Husband (Mike Binder) and his subservient and submissive wife (Mariel Hemmingway) who is finally convinced her to give in to her natural female instincts and allow another woman into the marital bed. What starts off down the trail of many a male's fantasy quickly goes astray when it is apparent that he is no longer needed in the bedroom.

Mikes downward spiral is amusing as he goes from shear disbelief that he is living the playboy ideal to pleading with his wife to refrain from sleeping with his baby sister. The movie was written and directed by Mike Binder who acquits him self nicely as he takes on the role of protagonist and victim during the some 94 minutes running time. Though never fully rising above the straight to video look, the film does not bore or detract from the comedy of a now fully functioning sex monster wife, who is out to sleep with just about every woman she comes across. Mariel Hemmingway is rather amusing and begs the question, where in her career did she go wrong? She is both pretty and entertaining, qualities it would seem, should have destined her for Julia Roberts heights. Alack alas the movie gods are cruel by nature it would seem. Stephen Baldwin makes a fleeting appearance as a business partner whose wife appears to have been locked in a tower for most of her adult life.

Those looking to find something to pass time, have a laugh and have the message "be careful for what you wish, you may just get it" beaten into you, can rest assured you will find what you are looking for here. However for those of you, who may have seen the title and thought that it would be an excellent way to get your rocks of, I suggest you go find one of those Playboy movies of week I discussed earlier.

In what has to be the greatest anti-communist comic hero of all time, Captain American made his most recent transition to film in this instantly forgettable 1992 straight to video release. Not since the early 70's (the proverbial golden age of really bad movies) has there been a film that delves to the bottom of the barrel in an effort to scrape out what is left quite like this film does.

Captain America seems like it was doomed to fail long before the opening credits ran. The feature was plagued with Legal Red Tape when parent studio 21st Century films went under shortly after this film was in the can. It was shelved for 2 years before finally being released to video. If your wondering, yes they are same group who are also mostly responsible for the legal fiasco that helped hold up work on the much touted never seen James Cameron Spiderman project. With far too much of Old Cap's (Matt Salinger) time spent walking around bewildered in this part action, part fish out of water tale. Matt Salinger turns in an Ernest and honest performance given the nature of the roll there really isn't any room for him to flex his acting muscles. Ronny Cox (Robocop, Total Recall) plays the President, that needs rescuing, but given the high cheddar content of his lines and the patriotic condescending monologues that he is forced to run with I say, let the terrorists keep him he's no good to us. Ronny obviously had car repayments due when he signed on the dotted line for this little piece of cinema slop. Scott Pauline phones in his performance for the make up heavy Red Skull and just spouts of cliché after cliché. The only thing that kept me from turning it off and setting fire to the tape (in an effort to protect the delicate minds of my nations youth) was the occasional action sequence which weren't bad, and as a result kick started pace wee bit. It's just a real shame there weren't more of them. Despite a promising intro the action pieces it fails to regain the momentum, despite director Albert Pyuns (Cyborg) best intentions (and there must have been a few) the film falls flat on its face, scene after agonizing scene. I suspect with some half decent management on this title, a modest and reasonable Captain America film could have been produced. Nothing like some cheap hack and slash film making to make a couple of bucks when you're in receivership I guess.

You can Consider yourself duly warned so rent/buy (if someone hasn't stolen it for use in satanic ritual as this is pretty much all its good for) and watch at your own peril. Only seasoned die-hard Captain America fans will truly appreciate it, if only for the occasional moment when he is doing superhero like stuff. The rest of the time they too will be reaching for the straight razor to put an end to the madness.